Special Treat for Geoff

Geoff is stuck working until 8pm New Year's eve, so I'm dressing up all nice to surprise him.  I'm leaving soon to go join him.  As you all know, a retail store that leases furniture and electronics will most likely not get any customers tonight, so I'm bringing a couple of CDs with Jazz, Blues and Cabaret so that we can dance the night away.  He knows I'm coming to see him, but he has know idea I'm dressing up for him.  Might as well wear my little black dress that I now finally fit in before it's too big! LOL

50 lb Target Reached - Happy New Year 2010

I was hoping to at least lose 50 lbs by my birthday January 8th.....but my present arrived earlier on December 26th, 2009. I weighed myself and was 236.5, I'm now at 236. I've lost 54 lbs, more than my target! I'm so happy and proud of myself. By the way, I'M the same weight now as Geoff.

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone that have been reading and following my journey.  Also to those who have helped & supported me during my roughest patches after surgery. It's sometimes scary when you know that your surgeon is miles away and that the hospital in my town don't really know a whole lot about RNY.

Please take a bow and accept my applause & thank yous.

From the bottom of my unshrinking heart and shrinking body,

Happy New Year 2010!!!!

Dee :D

Back to Work

It's a really good thing that with this surgery you end up being an early riser.  I was up and at it at 5:00am this morning, taking my shower, getting dressed, applying make-up and styling my hair.  I was worried about getting to work late, so I left a tad bit early.  My son Brodie is happy to be riding with me again, but wasn't so happy with mom this morning when we arrived at my work at 7:10am and he doesn't start school t'ill 8:15.  He sat at a desk listening to his iPod, waiting for the time where he could start walking to school.  Not a happy camper.  I promised him we would leave a bit later tomorrow morning. 

I received alot of compliments from some of the people I work with.  I got a big 'WOW' from one of the sales rep in the office next to us too.  My manager and co-workers called me and were so happy that I was back.  It feels really good that people are noticing, the only problem is that when I look at myself in the mirror, I just don't see it!!  I've been told that it may take up to two years before I can see it myself.  I feel it in my clothes, but I still don't see 42 lbs gone off of me.  It's very strange, but that's where the body image issues come in.

I've been invited to a Christmas breakfast with the team tomorrow morning at 9:00am.  I've already gone through the menu and chosen what I will order.  Makes it alot easier that I can be prepared instead of stressing out when we get there.  The restaurant has poached eggs and whole wheat toast!  Perfect!!

I also just found out that the Olympic torch is making it's way down by my work around 3:48pm today.  I'm not sure if I will stick around to see it.  Bummer part is that I don't have my camera.

Today I'm feeling excited but tired about coming back to work.  Soon after the surgery, you tend to drain out quicker.  I'm hanging in there.  I'm sure by the end of this week, I'll be a walking zombie.

Cheers

Decision Making

I haven't posted in a while, but I'd like to let everyone know that I'm doing really well.  I'm going back to work on Monday and looking forward to it.  There have been many decisions made in the past week.  Most importantly, I have been resting and healing from my set backs. 

My house is coming off the market as of December 18th.  I am a little disappointed that it did not sell, but at the same time relieved since I'm comfortable living in my house.  The main reasons for moving was so that I could be closer to work to avoid having to drive 2 hours everyday.  The other reason was so that Geoff and I could purchase a house to be 'our home.  Things happen for a reason and as a family, we've made the decision to commit to living in this house for another 2 years.  However, we have also committed to fixing it up.  First the kitchen will be renovated and that makes me VERY happy!

The other decision is that I had been contemplating working for the government for a while and my chances are actually very good.  However, I emailed the wonderful lady who has been sending me communications on testing to explain that I'm still very interested to work for the government, but at this time I will need to put it on the back burner.  She was extremely understanding.  (I'm sure my good friend Pierre will be smiling ear to ear!)

So now, less stress with selling and trying to find a new job.   I can focus on what's there in front of me.  Bell Aliant has treated me well during this process of my surgery.  My insurance company has been very good to me as well by approving the time needed to heal. 

The holidays are soon approaching and I'll be celebrating my first Christmas with Geoff.  This is so exciting for us.  Geoff and I met December 10th, 2008.  We went on a dinner/movie date and it all came together that night.  He spent Christmas with his parents and son last year since our relationship was still very new and his son did not know about me yet. 

I'm picking my eldest son up in Ottawa Saturday and we will be putting up our Christmas tree as a family.  With my surgery and my new body emerging, I feel like it's my first Christmas. 

I'm sending Holiday wishes and blessings to all of you.  I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank you for all your support.

My journey is far from being over, it's merely the beginning...

Special Note:  Happy 1st Anniversary to my loving Geoff.  I love you with all my heart xo

Portion Size & Wow Moment

Portion Size

Alot of people have been asking me, 'What is your portion size for meals?'  My meal usually is broken down into 3 groups, 1/4 cup Protein, 1/8 cup vegetable or fruit or dairy, and 1/8 cup starch.  This being equal to 1/2 cup per meal.

Eating my protein first is very important to ensure I get it in before my other foods.  Protein and fluids are key to my weight loss.  Other nutrients are absorb through daily supplement of vitamins.  I've shown a picture to give you a good perception of what my portion size would be compared to a normal dinner plate size.


Wow Moment

I was going through some clothes yesterday to get rid of stuff that don't fit anymore.  After losing 39 lbs, it's sure about to show in your clothing.  I tried on a dress that I had purchased last April and to my suprised it was huge on me.  It's even beyond tailoring to fit.  I'm very encouraged with the weight loss and I'm feeling better everyday.  For the first time in a very long time, I was able to feel success at my weight loss.

Near Accident

I think bad luck has been hovering over my head long enough now that it could probably just take a hike and bother someone else.   On the way to the grocery store (it was raining so I thought I'd get my 30 minute walk in there, plus we needed shampoo), a lady cut me off and forced me to brake to a complete & sudden stop forcing the seatbelt into my abdomen.  The adrenaline was immediate, and the lady who never checked her blind spot, kept going as nothing ever happened.  Once I got into the grocery store, my body started trembling uncontrollably and the pain started in my abdomen.  I called Geoff and told him what happened and his boss allowed him to leave.  St Luke's Faxton Hospital from Utica New York, conveniently called while I waited for Geoff.  They wanted feedback on my stay at the hospital.  The nurse listened to what happened and suggested that I go to the hospital.  I told her I didn't want to drive in this condition and was waiting for Geoff.

Once he got home, we went to the hospital straight away.  They took me in to see the doctor immediately without a wait.  After xrays were done, it was determined that there was no leakage from the staples, however I had very bad bruising.  So bruises over bruises UGH!

A set back nonetheless, but I'm starting to get accustomed to this.  Today I feel 'ok'.  Still alot of tenderness and will take a couple of days for it to heal up. 

As much as I was hurt from the seatbelt, I'm sure it could and would have been worse if I wasn't wearing it.

Short-Term Benefit Approval

So far my day is going well.  I received a call from my work insurance and they approved my time off until December 13th.  It feels so good not to have to worry about that.  I ate just a tiny bit for breakfast, felt a bit of pain, so stopped right away.  I have to take tiny little bites and pace myself so that my pouch has time to tell me 'enough'.  Lunch was ok, was able to eat closer to the portion that is recommended.

I return to work December 14th and am looking forward to it.  Hopefully with the holidays coming, it won't be so busy and I can slowly get back into it.

Cheers

Nightmarish Day

As you could see from my schedule that I shared yesterday, I've been trying to keep a routine going.  I'm also trying to avoid 'sleeping in' to remain accustomed to waking early for work.  I was hoping to never have to experience what I did yesterday.  Attempting to do everything the way I'm supposed to, I noticed alot more pain and tenderness all day.  Everytime I ate, I felt like the food was...well...stacking up. 

I ate a scrambled egg for breakfast, drained minestrone soup for lunch and flaky fish, sweet potato and peas for supper.  Then the pain became excruciating.  I could hardly breathe, I felt like I was having a stroke or heart attack!  I paced up and down the house, trying to understand what was going on as I quietly cried.  Geoff asked me if I felt like I needed to throw up, and I started bawling.  I was so afraid to.  I was afraid that I may hurt or damage my pouch somehow with the pressure from vomiting, so I was holding back.  Finally, Geoff talked me into just letting things happen and I finally threw up.

The pain almost completely subsided but I was so exhausted and my whole body was shaking like a leaf.  I cried for a bit until I just passed out in the recliner.  Geoff covered me up with blankets and sat with me.

I'm still unsure of the cause.  I'm anal about measuring everything so not to exceed 1/2 cup of food per meal.  I'm curious if it might be the addition of the vitamins?  Could it be an intolerance to the peas or sweet potatos?  It's so unnerving when you don't have the answers.

Today, I'm resting.  I'm cutting my portions down to 1/3 cup per meal to see if that might help.  I'll stay away from the two new ingredients to see if that helps.  I hear so many people talking about this type of pain and how they've gone back to just eating mushy foods to eliminate having to experience it.  I don't want to be one of those people, I want to enjoy my food. 

It's all a learning curve and I have to be emotionally prepared to accept the changes.   On a good note, I received the roses in the pictures shown from Geoff.  That made me smile.

Today will be a better day.

Wow Moment

Tough Day

Today was tough.  I was so nauseous this morning and started to drink lots of water.  It's so easy to dehydrate after this surgery.  I'm also feeling more pain in the abdomen than usual and feel a bit swollen as well.  I'm still fighting with both gloves with the insomnia, so I'm pretty exhausted most of the time.

There are so many pills I have to take, it makes my head spin.  I bought myself a small pill container with 7 compartments and printed myself some labels on my label maker.  I'm desperately trying to get as organized as I can so that when I return to work, it will be somewhat a little easier.  My daily schedule is as follows:

6:00 AM :  Centrum & Antacid Rx

7:30 AM - 8:00 AM :  Breakfast

9:00 AM :  Calcium 600 mg & B12 Sublingual 2500 mcg

9:00 AM - 12:30 AM :  Fluid Intake

1:00 PM - 1:30 PM :  Lunch

2:30 PM - 5:30 PM :  Fluid Intake
4:30 PM : Calcium 600 mg
6:00 PM - 6:30 PM : Supper
7:30 PM to Bedtime : Fluid Intake
7:30 PM : Centrum & Antacid Rx
9:30 PM : Calcium 600 mg

Trust me, it took me a good while to figure it all out.  Vitamins need to be at least 2 hours apart and meals 5 hours.  And you can't drink 30 minutes before and 1 hour after meals.  It all became very challenging.

My Wow Moment

I'd like to share with you my wow moment, after all, you've all been following me so far right?  While I was waiting to see the PA at doctor Fitzer's office, I met a really lovely person, who by chance, lives in Ottawa.  While I was chatting up a storm with her, I crossed my legs.  I stumbled in my words and said:  OMG, I just crossed my legs!  I was so much in disbelief, it's been such a long time since I've been able to cross my legs.  Holy Crap!!

I'm very proud of myself for taking this journey.  As tough as it is sometimes, I remind myself how much healthier I will be for my family, friends and my workplace.

I've lost 31.5 lbs so far!  It is so exciting to see the new me emerging.

Follow-up Appointment

Geoff and I left yesterday around 8 in the morning.  Mr GPS took us down through Mallorytown and it was a gorgeous scenery.  Crossing the border was easy and we arrived in Utica around 11:30.  Although it was a bit of a wait to my appointment, we made good with our time. 

Sarah, Dr' Fitzer's assistant, took my blood pressure and we discussed the complications I experienced last weekend.  She agreed that it was all due to dehydration and was happy that I have been drinking alot more since.  She then brought up my blood work, and my Iron is low and Uric Acid is very high. 

I discussed the Insomnia I've been experiencing and the difficulty I'm having with the CPAP since surgery.  She agreed that I needed more time and after discussing with Dr Fitzer, they recommended that I return to work on December 14th.  I am healing, however it is a very slow process.  They don't recommend pushing around in an office chair at this point, or the twisting and pulling motions that I would be doing at my desk.

Geoff and I were burnt out last night when we got back home.  We watched a bit of TV then hit the sack.

Next appointment is Friday, February 26th, 2010.  Wow 2010....sounds weird.

Cheers!

My Journey Continues

Follow-up Appointment

Tomorrow I'm heading off to Utica with Geoff for my first follow-up appointment.  I'm hoping that he will tell me that I'm on track and everything is healing up just fine.  I've been drinking 2000ml of water everyday since my scare last weekend.  It's difficult to get the fluids in since I'm unable to sleep a full night yet.  Apparently insomnia is one of the side effects after this type of surgery.  It's frustrating since I know soon I will be going back to work and with the 2 hours of driving I must do everyday to get there, I know I will be exhausted.  Of course I will be discussing this with Dr Fitzer when I see him tomorrow.


Return to Work

My insurance company at work has approved my time off until November 29th, which means I would have to return to work November 30th.  I miss work, but I don't want to rush my return.  I want to make sure that when I go back, that it's for good.  The surgeon said that I would be off 6-8 weeks, so I'm really not sure what he will decide.


Hair Loss

I've also been a bit concerned about hair loss that might start in month 3 of my journey.  It is a natural occurance with weight loss surgery that you lose hair.  Apparently 1/3 of patients do lose their hair at about the 3rd month stage and until they reach their 6th month.  We can lose up to half of our hair.  The reason this happens is that we have only so much nutrients going through our blood stream and the scalp is not one of the body's concern.  In an effort to eliminate extreme hair loss, it has been suggested that I massage the scalp from 10-15 minutes per day to get the blood stream moving and in the end the nutrients will move up to the scalp and attempt to keep the hair healthy.  If it happens, I just have to remind myself that it will only last for a maximum of 3 months and then new hair will grow back.  It will be like it never happened.


New Menu

I start my new stage in foods tomorrow (November 20, 2009) for weeks 4, 5 and 6.  I will be including Egg Salad, hard boiled egg, flaky fish, pasta & cheese, soft vegetables & fruits.  It will be very nice to add these to my menu. 


Weight Loss

My weight is still hovering around the same place.  I only weigh myself every Monday to document.  Geoff also takes my measurements so that I can also include these in my diary.  Some people are really concerned about losing 2 lbs per week.  I'm trying to stick to the old saying 'The faster it comes off, the faster it will come back on....the slower it comes off, the easier it will be to keep it off'.  I seem to be losing about 2 lbs per week which is 8 lbs per month.  I can't remember the last time I was able to do that.


Ready to Share

I told you all at the beginning of my journey that I was not ready to share my weight.  Geoff at some point had spilled out how much I was weighing at the time of the surgery, but it was an honest mistake.  At my consulation back in August,  Dr Fitzer's nurse weighed me.  I weighed in at 280 lbs!!  I was so depressed and couldn't believe that I allowed myself to get that far.  I have a story on how I got there, OHIP needed it, my GP needed it, my surgeon needed it.  It's a long story, and private, but with my story I was approved for this surgery.  I'm not one of the normal people who can just diet & exercise to lose weight.  Trust me, I've tried.  So here is my progress so far:


August 6th, 2009

Weight               280 lbs
BMI                   46.5

November 29th, 2009

Weight              250.5
BMI                  41.7

For BMI information, please refer to the following site: 

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

Dehydration

Without getting into too much detail, I had some complications this weekend which had me a little distressed.  I went to emergency as instructed by the surgeon in Utica and Geoff.  After some tests, I was sent home with antibiotics. 

I spoke with a nurse from Utica this morning to tell her all of my symptoms from over the weekend and the result is that I am working towards dehydration which is causing most of the symptoms that I'm feeling.  For the most part, I was thinking that I was taking enough fluids in, however they proved me wrong.  So I'm sip, sip, sipping at least an ounce every 10-15 minutes to try to meet the goal of drinking 64 ounces per day. 

I'm going to my first support group tonight which is exciting for me since I haven't been able to really get out to socialize.  My Obesity Help Angel will be driving me to the meeting.  We will be sharing different experiences throughout our journeys and meeting different people.  I tire out pretty fast, so I'm hoping to be able to enjoy myself.

Cheers!

Body Shock

I've lost 27.5 lbs so far since my consultation in August.  I had lost 7.5lbs prior to surgery and have lost 20 lbs since surgery.  I was getting really nervous because I haven't been losing anything for about one week now.  I posted my question on OH and I received such great responses.  One of the responses was that the sudden stop in weight loss is an average occurance and that the first month my body is in shock and is holding on to whatever calories it can because it isn't sure what is going on.  The next 3-6 months are the biggests ones and to hold on and enjoy the experience. 20 lbs in 2 weeks is great - 10 lbs a week! How wonderful!  It's seems longer, but I am currently only 2 weeks Post Op.  It takes approximately 3 weeks for the pouch to heal, so I'm well on my way.

I'm now at a new stage in my diet.  In addition to the loose mashed potatoes, oatmeal and unsweetened apple sauce, I've introduced scambled egg (1/2), tuna and  1/4 to 1/2 of Whole Wheat toast (or whole wheat crackers).  I can add salt and pepper, a little mayo, even ketchup or mustard. 

Good news for me, I was able to sleep in my bed all night this past night without moving into the recliner.  I still feel alot of discomfort on my right side, but it's definetely getting much better.  I saw a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen in a long time and she noticed the weight loss.  She said 'It looks like you lost as much as a small child!'  Which is true when you think about it, 27.5 lbs is almost like an 18 month or 2 year old.

The good news too, is that I might not be losing anything on the scale, but I still am losing in inches. 

Cheers!

Body Image

(Photograph by Unknown)

So I had a bad day last week. Was feeling a bit lonely, but hey...it's understandable isn't it? The tenderness surrounding my abdomen is starting to heal. I'm still not sleeping as well as I would like since I have a hard time finding a comfortable position. That's where I'm very thankful about being able to stay home right now and enjoy the healing time off. My fluids and foods are going great and I'm anxious for Friday to introduce scrambled eggs. :D
I've lost 3.5 lbs since Friday and I'm really feeling the weight loss everywhere on my body. I started watching a show called 'How to look Good Naked' on W. It was very inspiring to know how many people feel uncomfortable in their own skins and how they portray themselves when looking in a mirror. (http://www.channel4.com/programmes/how-to-look-good-naked)

Funny how I shared alot of their fears and anguishes over the human body. Body image is a very big part of our lives. How the public, news and media describe the 'perfect' body could actually be completely different from what the actual brain translates to your eyes. Instead of dwelling on the 'perfect' human body criteria, we really need to focus on the realistic 'perfect' body...which is the average human...you and I.

Alot of men and women haven't even seen their entire naked body in a mirror for years.  They've gone as far as to hide it from their loved one for many years as well.  They've either got rid of the mirrors in the house or ensure to have the mirrors fog up before they undress to have a shower. We need to embrace the bodies that we've been given before we can accept the new bodies we will have due to this surgery. I've recently started to look at myself in a full mirror and instead of making negative remarks, I've been trying to point out the beauty of my body. Perhaps the soft skin or even the curves that are actually attractive to Geoff. It's always difficult to compliment your own body, however we do not hesitate to point out features on someonelse's.

The beauty of it all, is that you have control over what you say about yourself, so why be mean?  No matter how small you make the compliment to yourself, it is still one step ahead. It will make receiving compliments from other's much easier to accept with a smile.

Social Outcast

I've been at home for a week now.  The rest of the world keeps buzzing while mine remains in matrix mode.  When you normally have a structured life with work, family and friends, having limited activities after major surgery can affect you emotionally and physically.  Not to mention the limited interaction with co-workers, yes....co-workers too.

Today I sit here, wondering what I will do next...will I sip, walk, burp or fart?  Out of four things that I know I'm actually capable and have become in some distrubing way, very good at this past week, it is becoming somewhat boring and monotonous.

So, do I pick up the phone and call a friend, a loved one?  Do I invite someone over?  Unfortunately, since the high speed life they are living and are accustomed to is still buzzing around them, I don't have a chance of getting any social activity in with them.  Am I being selfish to ask them to pause their life for me?

Even my loved one has forgotten that I sit alone at home, waiting for his return.  Not so much to do at home, not so much excitement to share, nothing really new.  The only thing I really am looking forward to every night is to have him come home to finally have someone to interact with.  My son has finally returned home and that is somewhat helping, but teenagers like to sneak into their dungeon of Internet and Instant messaging.   We did, however,  have a good hour of discussion regarding his stay at his friends, the likes and dislikes and how happy he is to finally be home.  The power of family.

In a nutshell, I feel alone, I feel bored, feel incapable of doing alot of things that I can normally do on my own.  I feel like a social outcast.

Pot-Pourri of Things

My Godfather's Birthday

Today is my Uncle Robert's birthday, Happy Birthday!  He is in the hospital due to emergency surgery on Wednesday to his Kidney which was blocked and full of stones.   They were able to repair the one kidney, however the second is left unrepaired as it would be to dangerous to do both at the same time.  I'm saying prayers that his fever gets under control and that he can go home on his birthday.  I'm sure that's what he would want right now to.  I'm thinking about you Mononcle and love you very much.

Bussing Approved

I heard this morning from the schoolboard that they've approved temporary bussing for Brodie so that he can finally come home where he belongs.  I'm thankful to the friends who took him in, many gratitudes to them.  Just a bit of driving required from Geoff to get Brodie to the bus, but it's all worth it.

Weight at a Standstill

I was a bit dissappointed this morning when I jumped on the scale and noticed that there wasn't a difference.  But then thought...holy crap girl, you've lost 24 lbs already, get a grip!  So I've decided that I will only weigh myself twice per week (Mondays and Fridays).  Mondays, Geoff measures me too, so we'll do everything at the same time.  I have a bit more energy since yesterday which feels awesome.  There is no more 'pain', just tenderness through the abdomen.  Depending on the movement, I will get a sharp pinch, but with deep breaths it goes away. 

Foods

I had one teaspoon of yogourt this morning and it was so yummy.  I think I could have probably managed two teaspoons but thought I would wait to see how my 'pouch' responded to the new food.  I felt just fine.  Funny how it's a bit scary to try new foods (again).  As far as this week goes, I get to eat Yogourt, unsweetened applesauce, loose mashed potatoes and loose oatmeal.  Starting at one teaspoon (eating only the tip of a teaspoon at a time and making it last 20 mins) and working my way up to 2 tablespoons by the end of the week (making it last 25 mins).  I must also keep my protein intake of 4 oz three times per day and 64 oz of fluids as well.  Trust me, I don't feel hungry.  It's mostly head hunger that I'm dealing with, cravings and wonderful smells stimulating those brain cells that say, 'I need to eat whatever it is I'm smelling'.  It almost killed me to be outside and smell someone barbecuing.  The cravings pass, thank God!

Today I'm planning on taking a bit longer walk down the road.  It feels great to breathe in the fresh air.

Cheers

Prayers for my Godfather

I received a message from my cousin that my uncle is in the hospital.  He's far away from me and I felt like I wanted to jump on a plane and go see him right away.  Tears filled my eyes as I called Geoff to tell him the awful news.  In the condition I'm in right now with my surgery, it's obvious I can't, but the feelings are there.  My uncle is someone who has been through many many struggles and I never stop loving him, no matter what happens.  He is strong and has so much compassion for those who care for him.  Although we have not been close in cities or towns, we have always been close at heart.  I say a prayer for my Uncle Robert, my Godfather, so that he can be strong to heal and for Aunt Pauline, Lorie, Loretta and Lisa, so they may stay as strong for Uncle Robert as he has been for everyone else.

I miss you Uncle Robert and love you very much.  Get better, it's your birthday tomorrow!

The Hero Inside of Me

It's been a week since the surgery.  And no matter how hard it is and how much it sometimes bothers me when Geoff gets to eat pizzas and pork chops with mashed potatoes and yummy veggies, stopping the automatic reaction of licking your finger when preparing meals,  I know that this is my journey and I am the only one responsible for the outcome.

Some people may say that I've chosen the easy way out.    Having major surgery to help fix a life long medical problem is not considered an easy way out.  Most people who make those remarks are not familiar with my background or my medical history and I forgive them. 

I'm happy to say that I've found the Hero Inside of Me.  The one that is capable of fighting the 'head hunger'.  The one who is capable of enduring the sometimes endless pain associated with the gas build up and the pain still lingering around the many bruises on my abdomen.  The one who has been able to continue being a mom and a wife to the best of my ability throughout all of this.

I'm doing great today.  The sun is shining and inviting me to a short walk to the mailbox.  My honey is off today but is gone for an appointment, but when he returns we have planned to sit out in the back yard and enjoy the weather that will soon change.  We also will be preparing our Christmas cards to be sent out to our friends and family.

I've lost 22 lbs so far and am so excited to be the healthier me.  If I could, I would be bouncing up and down to celebrate my success so far. 

Cheers :-)

I'm Melting

I couldn't believe this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost 18 lbs already!!  Although my tummy is still very sore and seems like it's just one huge purple pumpkin from the bruising of the surgery and all the injections that I have received and still receiving.   I'm toughing it out pretty good.  The Lovenox injections are the worse, I hate them because they are injected into the side of the belly.  Geoff has been great at making sure I get them, I personnally think he likes playing nurse LMAO!  Mr. I hate needles....yeah right.

My spirits seem a bit higher today.  I was very emotional yesterday.  Geoff returned to work today and it was scaring me to death that I'd be alone.  I'm having difficulty bending over because it so sore to do that, and as much as the pain is reducing, it's still prelevant. 

So what have I done so far today?  Pretty much woke up at 6am as per my schedule I've made out for myself. 

(Any times not listed I'm to be sip, sip, sipping clear liquids)

6 a.m. - Take Multi Vitamin and Prescription (Lovenox shot - only one left..yippee)
7:30 a.m. - 4 oz of Protein Shake
1:00 p.m. - 4 oz Protein Shake
4:30 p.m. - Take Multi Vitamin and Prescription
6 p.m. - 4 oz Protein Shake

I decided to work out a schedule right away so that it's not so difficult to adjust when I return to work.  My tentative date to return to work is December 16, 2009.  However, I have a visit with my surgeon in the states on November 20, 2009 and we will be discussing that again.

With Gastric bypass, you only have so much room in your little pouch.  Most people will have a juice or glass of milk while they eat, but I will not be allowed to drink 30 mins before and 1 hour after each meal (each meal lasting 20 mins min.).  It is important to ensure soliditity inside the pouch so that you can feel full for 5 hours before your next meal.

I

I Could Have, But I Wouldn't Have

I've been waiting to post this.  This One is for Geoff....

Geoff and I met December 10th, 2008 and after receiving consent from both my sons, he moved in with us on January 10th, 2009.  Geoff and I love each other very much and our love for each other grows more and more everyday.  Geoff met me as a 'fat' woman.  He always found me beautiful and accepted me for who I am.  I made two big decisions in June, one was to buy a 'new-to-me' vehicle (2006 Chevy Equinox).  The reason to buy the SUV was because of my diagnosis to my right hip of Osteo-arthritis.  My sales lady, shared with me that she had the Roux-en-Y surgery in January and had lost 60 lbs.  I became exrtremely curious and read about it more.  I had been looking into it for about 2 years before that.  So, I made the decision to get the ball rolling.   So back to Geoff....

I talked to Geoff about my decision and he told me that he loved me know matter what decision I made and that now that I had made it, that we would base our next move on that.  He has been loving, generous with his time, exceptionally attentive and patient with the emotional roller coaster rides I've been on.  Reading my blogs can only give you less than an 1/8th of what I actually went through and felt deep down inside.  To put your feelings and emotions down on paper and living them are two different things.  And Geoff being right smack down in th middle must have been difficult, however he did it out of love for me. 

After so many years of challenges and obstacles, I'm sure that being the strong woman that I am, I could have gone through with this surgery on my own.

Geoff, I love you will all my heart,  you are my ham. You completely changed my life to the extent where I’ve been at my happiest…EVER!.  I cherish you with my every being and thank you from the bottom of my loving heart for making me the happiest woman in the universe.  You bring joy, happiness and lots of laughter to our home. I look forward to you keeping on blowing kisses to me at least 10 times a day and telling me everyday that I’m beautiful or sexy to you. (I never get sick of hearing it)  I appreciate the love you give me no matter what I look like, no matter what mood I'm in. You are a wonderful man.  I could have, but wouldn't have done this without you. 

I'm one lucky girl. Thank you God for sending me your Angel Geoff.

Love you forever Geoff.

Then it Hit me

I was trying to decide where I was going to sleep tonight. Whether it would be in the lazy-boy or if I'd try again in bed. So I tried the lazy-boy and it's alright, but I'm really anxious to sleep in my bed. Off I went to the room, and Geoff right behind me to be there if I needed his help.

With the help of the body pillow in Brodie's room, I was able to manage lying down on my left side. Well...that's when Niagara Falls started, then it hit me... I sat in my bed crying like a baby and Geoff holding me. He made sure it wasn't pain from the surgery. I told him that I was overwhelmed and emotional. I never really thought I would survive the surgery. So everything from being able to walk around, drink sips of water and also be able to say hi to my kids again and tell them 'Mom is Home' is all 'NEW'. Everything going forward now is new to me, it's all unknown. Whatelse can I do but embrace it?

I'm so happy to be here.

Home Sweet Home

The drive went well. I feel bloated and wish I could let one hell of a fart out! LOL A bit of pain but to be expected. I'm very happy to be home and thankful to our neighbours for watching our place and getting our mail while we were away. My cat Trixie wouldn't shut up, she had so many stories to tell us, not really sure what they were all about but I think it sounded pretty close to 'How dare you leave me for so long....but I'm so glad you're back!'

She hasn't left our side and keeps purring and meowing every once in while if Geoff goes to the door as if she's frightened we will leave again.

So now I continue with the healing process....Sip, sip, sip, Walk, walk, walk.

I'm pretty much burned out from the trip, so that's it for now.

Cheers.

Am I going Home?

At 9am, we are going to see Dr Fitzer to find out if I'm ok to go home. Here's the plan, since we will already be checked out of the hotel room, we will not have internet access. If you do not receive a new post to this blog by 11am, we will be heading home :-)

Geoff has been packing everything for me and will be packing up the SUV for both of us. It just feels so funny now that the surgery is over and I will be going home to start this new life of a 'healthier' me. I'm anxious but at the same time know that it will be a tough process.

I'M still sore, but remarkably it's pain that can be reduced by taking Tylenol Rapid Release. Last night was very frustrating, because I did not know how to get comfortable. Going from an adjustable hospital bed to a flat bed was very difficult. So I slept in the chair with a whole bunch of pillows. I'm looking forward to the lazy boy at home.

I'm off of this for now, need to rest...and plus my protein shake is coming up in 15 minutes. Yippeee!!!

Cheers

Blog Private Again

I'm very sorry, but we've made my blog private again. As far as the reason, I don't care to get into it, as my journey remains positive and that's where my focus is.

Geoff just stepped out to get me some Gas X and some other stuff at the grocery store. I'm so proud of him, he is the type to pass out when seeing needles and he actually was able to give me my injection today with the nurses assistance. He will be giving me an injection of Lovenox for 5 days every morning. This is to eliminate blood clots. I've also set up my Microsoft Outlook Calendar to remind me of times to take my multi vitamins, prescriptions and to get me on a regular schedule for meals (even if it's 2 oz of Protein shake for now).

It hurts to cough, but I continue doing my breathing exercises and am quite good at getting it up to 1500-2000 inspired volumes. I'm also taking my walks up and down the hotel hallways in my jammies with slippers on. Don't really care what anybody thinks about my jammies. LOL

I've been told that it will take at least 3 weeks for my new pouch to heal up. Tomorrow I will find out how long I will be off work. I'm thinking by the way the doctor was talking today that it might be 4-6 weeks before I go back. But only time will tell.

Sip, Sip, Sip, Walk, walk, walk is my agenda for a long time. I thank God for keeping watch over me, it's not the first time that he has.

Cheers

Discharged

I am now in the hotel room with Geoff. I'm feeling not too bad. I will be taking Tylenol Rapid Relief for my pain. I took a nice shower and it's nice & quiet here. I'm looking forward to a quiet evening with Geoff.

Cheers

Day 1 - Post Op 2

Day 1 post op....Dee is feeling a little better. Still tired and in some pain, but she is moving around and walking. She is resting now. The doc was in and said everything is proceeding as it should. Dee should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow. We will be spending Thursday night in the hotel and a visit to the doc on Friday morning. If everything is good then.....we go home.....

Later

Geoff

Day One - Post Op

Hi everyone,

I was able to read all your lovely notes and it gives me such a good feeling that so many people care about me. Yesterday was really tough, alot of sleeping and alot of pain. Nausea was awful too.

I'm taking lots a walks now and just got out of the shower. It's quite the chore bending over right now...it hurts.

Well...it's nice for Geoff to bring in the laptop, but I'm feeling a bit weak. I will update later.

Cheers.

Surgery Day Update

Well, Dr Fitzer has finally come out. Everything went well. Dee has gone into recovery for the next 2 hrs. As the one here waiting, I can finally relax and get something to eat. The next update should be from Dee.

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers for Dee. She really appreciated all of you.

Geoff

Today is the day

Well the day is here. I'm Geoff. Dee has gone into surgery. We arrived at the hospital around 8:15 this morning. Between our arrival and 11:30, Dee was treated well. The nurses were in and checked her weight, blood pressure, and all that stuff. She weighed in at xxx lbs. She lost around 12 lbs over the last 3 days!!!! Amazing how the body reacts to no food. Dehydration has proven to be the hardest thing to fight. Just goes to prove the body can survive longer without food than without water. Dee was showing the signs of dehydration this morning. When the nurses gave her the IV, Dee began to feel a little better. We were able to get a laugh because one of the drugs they gave her to fight nausia is a derivative of marajuana. At around 11:30, a member of the surgical team came and wheeled her to surgery. I'm getting to sit and wait. The staff here are great.

I'll finish up now. Dee will be around later to fill in her notes on the day.

Night Before Surgery

I knew that I would to some extent have a hard time sleeping last night. When I called to book at the Hotel where we are staying, we specifically asked for a smoke free room and floor and to be the farthest away from the smoking floor. When you enter the floor from the elevator, there's a sign that says 'No Smoking - New York State Law'. So I thought, nobody is stupid enough to smoke. Since I've quit smoking for a while now, seems that cigarette smoke gives me headaches and now makes me gag. Not to mention that Geoff is allergic to cigarette smoke so his breathing became a bit shallow at some point. So guess what, the smoke from the neighbour continuously smoked up our room through the vents and I have a migraine and feel extremely nauseated.

We complained several times to 'Guest Services' and for some unknown reason, 'New York State Law' doesn't seem to mean crappola around these parts. In Ontario, I can assure you, they would have sent in the police and have you charged for stinking up their rooms!

Well, I feel a bit stressed because of that, because I don't want to have to deal with this coming back here on Thursday night after surgery and having to smell that 'shit' in my room again. I'm going to need some good sleep! I may have gotten a total of 3 hours last night, so NOT GOOD.

Anyways, I'M leaving very soon. Blow dryer in the stupid bathroom quit, so my hair is still half damp. What a start to a perfect day! :-S

Hope things get much much better.

Cheers

Last Day Before Surgery - Surgery Time Set

My surgery has been set for 12:35 tomorrow. We need to be at the St Lukes Hospital for 8:35am. The surgery could potentially be earlier. I'm not feeling at all nervous, just very hungry and would have wished it was earlier as I cannot take anything at all by mouth after midnight tonight. I've made it this far!

Oh forgot to mention. I've lost 8 lbs on this liquid diet!

This is the hospital where I'll be staying:

Faxton-St. Luke's Healthcare
1650 Champlin Ave,
Utica, NY 13502

http://www.mvnhealth.com/

Cheers!

Last Day Before Surgery - A.M.

My appointment for pre-admission is at 10:30 this morning at Faxton Campus. I don't think I've been drinking enough water and am a bit dehydrated, so now Geoff has told me that I MUST empty my BIOS bottle by lunchtime. I feel fine except for being a bit weak and my tongue is dried out...weird.

Our hotel room comes with a Continental breakfast, so I just sent Geoff down so he can fill up his belly. He didn't want to go, but I told him if the tables were turned around that I'd be going. I hope he brings me up Jello! LOL

I didn't sleep very well last night. Geoff said I was talking in my sleep and started to cry. He says that I was saying 'Tell the people to go away!'...but then he held me and I felt better. Maybe it's just my way of letting some of the stress out.

Well I guess I should be getting dressed and ready for my appointment. I'll touch base again later, after all my appointments are over.

10:30 Pre-Admission
3:00 Nutritional Evaluation

Oh....forgot to mention...I'll be able to tell you how much I've lost on the liquid diet after my appointments. I think I've lost at least 5 lbs...we'll see. :D

Cheers

Day 2 - Liquid Diet

Left home around 11 and dropped Brodie off at his friend's Tommy where he will be staying until I return to work. He even brought his computer with him LOL

Geoff and I took our time driving down to Utica. We stopped a few times since obviously on a liquid diet, mother nature plays her part often enough. The border was easy to get through, however there was quite the line up of cars trying to return to Canada. I'm not looking foward to that kind of wait next weekend.

I've been eating lots of Jello and drinking lots of water. But I think I'm really going to hate Jello once this is over with. Trying to make believe that it's pizza or chocolate chip cookies is not really working anymore. However, the liquid diet is necessary so I'm hanging in.

When we got to our hotel room which is just beautiful, the first room was infested with cigarette smoke and it made me gag. (I've quit smoking for a while now and the smell seems to turn my stomach these days) They put us in a different room which is MUCH better.

Geoff brought the microwave with us so that he could just warm some food up. (Trick for saving costs) And plus, he gets to warm up my chicken broth too! We went shopping at Walmart for an hour or so, just to keep my mind off of things. The prices are pretty awesome here. We did buy a couple of movies at $5 each so that Geoff has something to watch while he's alone here at the hotel.

I feel a bit weak from the liquid diet, so I'd better get off and get some rest.

Cheers!

Day 1 - Liquid Diet

It's been very interesting today. Lots of jello, chicken broth, water with crystal light and yummy popsicles.

I'm doing alot better than I thought and am being compliant to what is required from me. Besides the stomach growls, I'm doing not too bad.

We're now watching the first Transformers movie. Hopefully I don't get too many weird dreams tonight. LOL

We had a wonderful visit with my OH Angel and she turned out to be as fabulous as I imagined her to be. She answered so many questions that Geoff and I had, plus offered so much advice, tips and tricks. She assured me that I was going to be just fine...and somehow I believe her. (Thank you so much!)

We will be leaving tomorrow around 11 in the morning. I will post something once in the hotel room in Utica, New York.

Cheers.

3 Days Left - The Comedy in Dreams

So many of you already know me enough to know that my dreams have a wicked sense of humour. Geoff and I decided to buy the new Transformers movie last night and we watched it with Brodie. The movie was great! Until I fell asleep of course.

If you've watched the Transformers, you know that they are separated into two groups, The Autobots and the Decepticons. Ok so you'd better be ready for this!

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to k......

As vivid as it could ever become in a dream, there were the Autobots, especially my favourites Bumble Bee and Optimus Prime. They knew how much I was struggling with having to be on a liquid diet for 3 days. They had two sides to their tranforming, liquid and solids. Out of love for me (:D) they turned off their solid side to help me out with my liquid diet challenge. They were amazing until....

The Decepticons came in. The SOLID PUSHERS!!!! The Autobots fought off the Decepticons to help me fight my battle and we WON! The Autobots were my guardians to the END! LMAO!

OK so if you're not cramped up in half laughing your gutts out, you really need a sense of humour check. It was the best dream I've had in a long time.

Right now I feel a bit hungry, watching Geoff eat a nice BBBBIIIIGGGG blueberry muffin from Costco...mmmmmmmm bluuueeebbberrryyy. At least he's not waving it under my nose LOL! I guess there will probably be some level of resentment when he gets to eat and I can't. I'm trying to just keep smiling and make it a game...it's only for 3 days. The best part of all this will be the outcome. Let's just see how long I can keep this positive attitude when I start smelling supper and snacks and FOOD!

I'm allowed to have coffee, just no sugar or milk in it. Geoff is being great and realizes how hard this will be, so he's decided that the food will be kept in the kitchen, and I'm to stay out.

Might sign in later and let you guys know how it's going. For now, I'm still just thinking about my dream and keeping the smile and laughter going.

Cheers

4 Days Left - Stress is Really Setting in

Today I'm making lists and making sure I don't forget anything. I'm a bit stressed, ok that's an understatement, but I'm sure you all can understand why I would be.

Tonight at midnight I start my liquid diet for 3 days. Blah! I've ordered some cranberry juice, diet gingerale, Chicken Broth popsicles and jello. Geez, I can't wait! NOT!!! I'm kidding.

With my house up for sale, I need to make sure everything is just so before we take off Sunday and also make sure that the agents showing my house while I'm away make sure they don't let my cat Trixie out. If anything, that's what I'm stressing over today. I hate the fact of thinking that she will be alone for one week. She'll be okay with the self-feeder and self-waterer, but I think of her getting out when they show my house and her being left outside overnight. There's a cat that hurt her really bad in the spring and it cost me over $500 to get her better at the vets! Hopefully the BOLD print note I'll be putting on my front door 'DON'T LET THE CAT OUT!' will be enough.

Besides that, Brodie is getting ready and packing since he will be staying at a friend's place for 2-3 weeks as I will not be able to drive him back & forth to school. For people who don't know, Brodie goes to school an hour away from our home and travels with me, so he has no other way of getting to school unless he stays at a friend's place.

Geoff and Brodie are being extremely understanding about me being so stressed out right now. They both love me and it really shows when they stand by you no matter what and how you react to everything. I'm probably not the easiest person to live with right now and I try so hard not to be irritable, but it's sometimes beyond my control. The more I try to control it the worse it gets, so I just let 'er rip! LOL

Nose is stuffed up and still getting some chills, so under the blankets I go again. But I'm not worried about being sick as I'm sure the liquid diet is going to cleanse all the crap out of me....LITERALLY!

I asked Geoff if he wouldn't mind picking up the new Tranformers movie at Walmart tonight before he comes home so that we can watch it sometime this weekend. I loved the first one, so I'm sure I'll love the second one.

Received a call this morning from Dr Fitzer's office. It was automated, and asked me to 'press 1' to confirm my appointment with him on Monday at 3pm. Everytime the phone rings and it's Dr Fitzer's office calling, I get this knot in my stomach as if something is going to happen that I won't be getting the surgery, but it always ends up being okay. Stressing for nothing once again. Gotta stop doing that!

Well, better get the heck off of this and get some more rest. This is it guys, tonight at midnight, everything officially starts rolling. Wish me luck! Pray for me! Keep your thoughts positive!

Cheers

5 Days Left - Staying Positive

A Positive outlook brings Positive results. That's my motto!

People keep asking me, 'If you're still sick on the day of the surgery, will they reschedule or postpone?'. Right now I need to do this one day at a time. And I will deal with that if and when it comes up.

I'm at work today, with alot of hesitation, trying to fight a migraine right now and not really winning the battle. I've been given a recommendation to stay home tommorrow and I think I will listen. It's really hard when you're leaving your work behind, work that you pride in and have spent many hours learning and molding it into something that works for me. I'm one of the lucky ones that can say that I actually do like my job. It's challenging, yet not overly demanding. It allows me to keep a flexible life for my work and my family...whatelse can you ask for?

I feel calm and relaxed today. Feeling the support all around me from friends and co-workers. The rooting and cheering that everything will be just fine. I've been meeting so many wonderful ladies from Obesity Help that are experiencing the same feelings I have been. It's really comforting to know that you're not the only one going through this.

I feel prepared and ready for the surgery. I'm looking forward to the liquid diet as it will be the first step to cleansing my system before my rebirth...before the new me emerges.

Thanks to all who have taken the time to send me notes, pass on words through Geoff and to those who also remain quiet but somehow and for reason I know I am a thought tucked in their minds and are wishing me good luck.

Cheers for now.

Prescription Medications

Geoff picked up my prescription for post-op tonight and I was really suprised to find out the price of the stuff. Thank God for benefits!!! I only had to pay 20% of the following prices:

(Dispensing Fee of $11.99 included)

Omeprazole - $253.99
Metoprolol - $ 24.12
Lovenox - $ 57.09
(Lovenox may be required as blood thining agent as per Surgeon's instruction)

All prescriptions must be filled in Canada and to be left at the hotel in the states until required.

6 Days to Go - Frustration is Growing Stronger

Today I'm probably as frustrated as anyone can be. On a positive note, my fever finally broke last night, but I was up most the night with cramps in my abdomen. My son Brodie is also very ill and it's hard when I feel as ill and can't help him as much. He's a good boy though and he's toughing it out pretty well. We're both getting plenty of rest and drinking lots of fluids. Not much the doctor can do at this point since it's only viral. Pretty much have to let it run it's course. Dr. Geoff of course instructed both of us to stay in bed and make sure to get lots of rest.

I'm not much of a TV watcher and most of the shows on during the day are stupid Soap Operas. Rather a waste of time when you can still follow the show from when I was a teenager. It's still the same old, who's sleeping with who, who's baby is it and who's going to inherit the pot kind of story lines. Then there's only so much Wheel of Fortune and Price is Right that you can watch before you really think you'll be sucked in by either wheel! Not even sure why I have the satellite dish anymore, except for NCIS and Reba, there isn't much worth watching anymore.

Brodie and I have been watching some older movies and just passing out for naps here and there. We have the kleenex boxes going on empty quite often but we're making sure to take our Tyleno Flu medicine. It helps a bit I guess. I have 5-6 days left to get better. All I can do is pray.

Cheers for now.

PRE-ADMISSION

I was resting with my son (as he is very ill too) watching Ellen on TV when the phone rang. I saw a 315 number and assumed it was a telemarketer so I ignored it. I noticed a short while after that my phone was blinking with a new message then it dawned on me that it was Utica calling. DUH!!! I got my binder out of my bag (because I'm anal organized) and called back the number. I followed the automated prompts and was only on hold for about 10 seconds before a really nice lady answered my call. There are a few details that they required from me: (Hope I can remember them all)

- Last Name, First Name
- Social Insurance Number
- Health Insurance Number
- OHIP Pre-Approval Certificate Number (you will find this on your OHIP Approval Letter - usually starts with K)
- Address & phone number
- Workplace & phone number
- Contact person that will be with you and phone number to reach them

She also gave me special instructions on where to park and what entrance to take at the Faxton Campus.

Some other info I found out by chatting with people on OH (Obesity Help), is that there is free WiFi at St Luke's Hospital so Geoff will be able to give Live Updates if he chooses to do so. :D

Going back to bed, chow for now.

7 Days to Go!

Alright, obviously I had a hell of a day yesterday. I've decided to set my blog back to public. Time to leave the past behind and focus on what's there right in front of me: Geoff, Zach, Brodie and Ryan (ok Trixie too). I guess I'm totally stressed out from being sick. Woke up this morning to Geoff telling me that I still have a fever and that's frustrating the hell out of me. So I've been told by Dr Geoff that I'm to stay in bed again.

Thank God that I can still stay in touch with the internet. I'm thankful for all the good wishes from people, makes me feel good when I get those messages. Got a really nice email from my boss too, saying to make sure I take good care of myself and get lots of rest.

I can't believe that next week is it. I was feeling like a yo-yo emotionally and now I almost feel numb. Being sick isn't helping...or maybe it is keeping my mind off of it somehow.

I'd better get some rest now.

Cheers

Sick and Tired

Now Geoff has me tucked into bed and I'm sipping on a Neo Citron. I have a fever and I'm trying to sweat it out. Slept a bit, but just don't seem to be able to sleep anymore, but Geoff said I have to stay in bed. My new manager Tori-Lea said to make sure to take care of myself. It really sucks because if it weren't for the surgery I probably would just be at work right now toughing this out.

Geoff doesn't like the fact that I have a fever though. Well better get some more rest before I get in trouble with Geoff.

8 Days to Go!

I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. Trying to beat this cold I have before the surgery.

I have to say the highlight for this weekend was spending time with the family for our 'belated' Thanksgiving Day. It's not everyone that can say they are able to spend time with their family and I'm thankful I can at least say that. My boys are awesome and I love them both to death. We talked so much about the life decisions they've made and keep making. I'm proud of them and of myself on how I've raised them. They are not sheltered like some kids are. I refuse to do that to them. They need to see life as realistic as it may be or become. In the real world, people swear, people are cruel, people do drugs and drink lots of alcohol.

Being at the park where my kids sometimes go, I witnessed two guys there smoking pot and drinking like it was the last time they've ever be able to drink. Both my kids only saw it as them being losers and in no way ever thought that it was cool. I told my boys a long time ago, 'God gave you both a gift, a gift that can either be wonderful or the worse gift you've ever received. It's the kind of gift that you can mold yourself. The gift is 'CHOICE'. There will always be a crossroad at some point in your life, many times you see the crossroad. It is your choice to take the turn that you want. It is important, however, to stop and think about what you want to say, what you will choose to do.'

Communication, trust and honesty is a big part to family. Without it, there is no foundation.

I miss my friends right now, I wish I could see them before my surgery. I feel frustrated that some of the people I care about deeply haven't taken the time to register to my blog. Am I offended? Yes I am.

Enough for today, obviously I'm quite down....maybe due to the surgery coming up, or just maybe because I'm me.

9 Days to Go!

Have any of you ever watched Reba on CMT? It's one of my favourite shows. The character who plays Barbra Jean came back to the show looking like she's only 1/3 of the size she was before. It's funny because my greatest fear throughout this whole surgery I'm having is that I don't want to forget who I am, what all my life's obstacles, joys, pain have made me become. On the show, it seems that Barbra Jean hasn't changed at all except for some other activities that she is now doing that she couldn't do before...she's still the old annoying character we've come to know.

It's more how everyone else is now looking at her. It's not her who has changed. It's everyone else in her life that look at her differently now.

I just ask my friends and family one thing....please....when I lose weight, remember me for who I am now because the book cover might be updated, but the contents and stories will always remain the same.

Always Dee, Always Me.


2009-07-30 - I will remember me for who I am now today, as for when my body changes, my heart & soul never will.

10 Days to Go!

Wow am I ever getting nervous! I'm a bit under the weather too, but I'm getting lots of rest to take care of that. I think my emotions are a bit whacky too but thank God that Geoff is so understanding. Seems like everything is bugging me these days. Little noises and any deviances to my regular schedule are frustrating the hell out of me. Also I have been more prone to feeling ugly and unattractive. Trying to sell the house through all these feelings, is really tough too, but I'm anxious to get the hell out of Perth. It's such a good thing that I can talk to Geoff about how I feel and how understanding he is with all these rollercoaster rides I've been on emotionally. Most guys would get fed up real fast, but Geoff hasn't even shown that at all. I love you Geoff! Thanks for being here for me through this. xoxo

Tomorrow we are having our Thanksgiving dinner since the kids were gone last weekend. Zach, Brodie and Ryan are here this weekend and it will be my last regular dinner with the family too. Then I get to eat like a weirdo at 4 bites = 1/2 cup per meal. LOL As weird as it may seem, I'm still looking foward to it and can't wait to feel healthy again.

Starting Friday at midnight on October 23, 2009, I must remain on a liquid diet until my surgery. I can have anything that, if put towards a light, I can see through it (no orange juice). Geoff's boss gave him the day off on Saturday the 24th so he could be with me. I have to admit, people at both workplaces have been very supportive and that has helped a great deal. Expecially with me being sick this week, but I toughened it out as much as I could and only took 1 day off.

I'm also meeting alot of people online at www.obesityhelp.com . I will be meeting some of the people face-to-face on Wednesday as well. If you are contemplating or have decided to have this surgery, this website is fantastic for meeting people and getting some of your questions answered. You also have the choice to find an Angel that will follow your steps to surgery, recovery and post op. Your Angel will not only help you, but will also be there to answer your partner's questions.

Thanks to all for your support as well, it's so much appreciated!

FAMILY & FRIENDS CONTACTS & UPDATES

Geoff will have access to my email, our facebook and this blog. I have provided him with a contact list of the family & friends that wish to be contacted by phone for an update once my surgery is over. Unfortunately we do have to limit the amount of phone calls, therefore please check my blog frequently for updates.

Geoff will do his best to keep you all updated as much as he can, however he will be spending time with me in hospital, therefore patience in getting updates will be appreciated. Once he retires to his room, he has promised to ensure updates are made and will also post to our facebook status that updates are available on the blog.

PLEASE NOTE: My cell phone will not be on during our stay in the United States as the roaming charges or too high. Please do not attempt to text as we will not be able to receive them.
Thank you :-)

3 weeks left!

SEND BLOOD AND ECG TEST RESULTS TO DR GRABER'S OFFICE

All test results must be sent to Dr Graber's office at least 1 week prior to your surgery date. Personally, I requested at my doctor's that I send it myself.

2009-10-15: You must also have your doctor send a copy of your physical examination. Or ask for a copy and send it yourself.

PRE-OP QUESTIONNAIRES

You will receive a package from Faxton Hospital for pre-admission. It will include questions in regards to past medical history. Take your time to fill it out as it will be required when you sign up for pre-admission. If you require your doctor's help, don't be shy and call to have questions answered.

TRACK YOURSELF

Once you've had your consultation with one of the doctors in Utica, you will be provided with a username and password. HOLD ON TO IT!

https://www.exemploportal.net/pp_L100/default.asp

From this website you will be able to track your weight, your eating habits, your exercise and even your moods!

You get a choice of list of foods and it will count your calories for you (word of warning, the choices also include the wrong foods, so be wise and eat healthy). Discuss with your doctor how many calories he wants you to stick to on a daily basis before your surgery. Avoid any chance of cancellation of your surgery! Deciding on having the surgery is not a reason to binge and eat what you want because you may not be eating those things after the surgery.....Deciding to have the surgery is also the decision to be wise and eat healthy.

My dietician asked me to stay within 1000 Calories per day and ensure to drink 64 oz of water. This should be discussed on an individual basis with your dietician as it may vary depending on your size and the directives given to you by your doctor.

CANADIAN PRE-OP APPOINTMENT

This was the longest appointment in history I think. But drum roll please.........I haven't gained or lost, so it's good news. Maintaining is good. Blood work went well, only two vials of it taken from my arm.

I must go for an EKG test tomorrow and get that done, and voila, I'm ready to go! I can't believe it's less than a month to go now. My talk with the dietician really helped today. They are very caring and you can tell they want to help if you want to help yourself.

Well that's all the excitement for today. Hope my results all come in clean, so that nothing roadblocks me from my new life. Chow for now.

DO NOT GAIN WEIGHT

Spoke with Michelle from Dr Graber's office, always a pleasure speaking with her. During my consultation, Dr Fitzer didn't have any specifics for weight loss for me personally. However, weight gain is very much frowned upon. I've been doing what I think is the right thing, however I've asked for guidance from Dr Fitzer's dietician. My weight is taken the day before surgery, and they can CANCEL the surgery if you've gained weight. You would only be advised of this the day prior to surgery.

National Women's Show - Landsdowne Park, Ottawa

I went to the National Women's Show at Landsdowne Park, Ottawa on Saturday, September 26th. Although the trip was made mainly to have a friend meet Dr Graber's team, the show itself was really fun. Goody bags were given at the door, many draw's to enter including a brand new car, fashion shows, make-overs and all types of different things to look at and try out.

Dr Graber's team welcomed my friend who is contemplating the surgery and answered many of her questions. One piece of information that was provided to me while I was chatting with the nurse is that a surgery will be cancelled if you gain more weight between your consultation and the surgery itself. I'm a little bit stressed out from that comment I have to admit. However, I have not been indulging myself in foods, although eating as healthy as I can and staying as active as possible.

So many people have told me that I'd better eat all the foods that I won't be able to eat after the surgery because I will miss them after. Fortunately to me, I don't think that way. This surgery is going to be a big change for me in life. I've given up so many bad foods already, I quit drinking alcohol, even the occasional one, all to make me the more healthy for my surgery and set me on the right track.

Unfortunately, with the problems with my thyroid and lack of metabolism, I may have gained some weight. This is completely stressing me out as I've been doing all the 'right' things! I will be contacting the nurse again today to discuss this with her.

Today, I'm going for my appointment to the doctor's to get my requisition forms for the blood tests, EKG test and prescriptions for the meds I will need while in Utica. Hopefully my weight gain won't be so bad. I'll keep you posted.

SCHEDULE CANADIAN PRE-OP APPOINTMENT 1 MONTH PRIOR TO SURGERY

I've scheduled my Pre-Op Appointment with my Canadian family physician for September 28, 2009. (Always 1 month in advance of the surgery). There are several tests to be done, for example, blood work and EKG test. Also, my CPAP settings were faxed to Dr. Fitzer's office as I am required to bring my machine with me where they will administer it after surgery in the recovery room. My doctor will also prescribe the medication that may be required after surgery.

Today I also discussed how my salary will be handled during my time off with our Disability Management Group. Seems that everything should be fine for me to receive my benefits since OHIP has approved an it's not considered cosmetic but medically necessary. However, they will not be able to confirm payment of my salary until the forms are received from Dr. Fitzer and reviewed.

Word to the wise, stay on top of everything. Ask questions even if you think they are 'stupid'. Keep organized with all your paperwork! Brings you alot less stress and alot less work in the end.

I have decided not to drink any alcoholic beverages as of September 1st. My decision is simply based on avoiding anything that might jeopardize the healing process and trying to keep healthy enough to come out of this,... period! I've already been a non-smoker for quite a while now, so that is not an issue. If you are, however, considering the surgery at some point and are a smoker, you might want to look at options of quitting.

New Surgery Date

On Monday August 24, 2009 I received my itinerary from Dr. Fitzer's office. While reading it, I noticed that my surgery date had been changed......to October 27, 2009!!!! I'm really excited and really nervous at the same time. I was just starting to get used to 103 days, when now it's down to 58 days!! The reason for the change is that another canadian patient was not as well organized and still waiting for OHIP approval. Since I had done all of my 'homework' and my approval was received prior to my consultation with the doc, they were able to offer me an earlier date. Yippeee!!! Pays to be organized.

Flu Shot vs Surgery

Once you have been scheduled for surgery, it's important to keep in mind that some routine treatments from your doctor may cause a delay. It's always a good idea to ask your Bariatric Surgeon's office staff before starting any new treatments.

Every fall it's flu shot season and I've been regular at receiving mine now for the past 3 years. This time however I called Dr Fitzer's office to verify if it's alright to get it.

Answer: Flu shot must be received at least one month prior to surgery. In my case, anytime before November 8th.

Roux-en-Y Available in Canada - Voicemail Jail?

After speaking with an old friend of mine, I found out that she received the Roux-en-Y surgery in Montreal, Quebec. The surgeon is Dr. Christou. She had to pay for her surgery when she had it done.
http://www.weightlosssurgery.ca/en/about/christou

NEWS:
2009-02-28: OHIP and Weight Loss Surgery enter into formal agreement to provide laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery to Ontario patients.
http://www.weightlosssurgery.ca/en/news?id=360

YIPPEE!!ALRIGHT, RIGHT ON!!!! Until your bubble gets wickedly burst when you try to contact their office.....goodluck! After calling the toll free number available on their website, I basically got nowhere. Their mailbox is full, when the automated voice transfers you for further assistance there is a message stating there is no one at this extension to assist you. Crazy!

I can ASSURE you that whenever calling Dr. Fitzer's or Dr. Graber's office, you can leave a message and that's only in the very small chance that there is no one available to answer your call. From my experience, everytime that I have called the Dr. Fitzer's office, I've always received a live person to assist me. Of course it would be nice to have the operation in my own country, however, what a mess when trying to even get through to Dr. Christou's office. I'm sticking with Dr. Fitzer, PERIOD!!

Will the status change at Dr. Christou's office? Perhaps...but I sure don't have the time to keep trying to find out.

Wow 117 Days left

I'm pretty sure that everyone that matters to me now knows what is going on. I feel somedays are tougher than other days, waiting and making sure everything is just right before I go in December. Some people tell me stories about things they've heard, people dying from the surgery, but I need to keep focussed on what the reality is. So here it goes, if I don't get the surgery, I will die. If I get the surgery, I will most likely live. Which one would you chose??

My sleep apnea is severe and Geoff worries about me alot when he notices that I stop breathing several times at night (sometimes up to 77 times per 7 hour sleep). I wear my CPAP as much as I can, but it's very uncomfortable and sometimes feels like I'm being strangled by the hose. I've gained approximately 20 lbs over the summer. Is it my thyroid condition? My doctor still has problems regulating my Eltroxin. Is it my eating habits? Geoff and the boys complain that I don't eat enough, possibly not so much the amount I eat, but what I'm eating. Funny thing is, I eat the same as them, less of it, and they are just fine. Mind you, they are much more active then I am, so burning off the calories is most likely a problem. The bigger you get, the harder it is to move around. It could possibly be as simple as just not getting enough sleep due to the sleep apnea.

It's all very hard to explain. Am I trying to justify my decision? Nope. I'm merely trying to explain some of the reasons why I made it. There are several reasons for my decision, however, please keep in mind that the TOP reason is for good health and to be here for mine & Geoff's kids...and for Geoff. The cosmetic results of the surgery is very appealing, but was not the end factor of my ultimate decision to have the surgery. Some people have said to me, wow you're going to look 'hot' or 'so pretty' when you lose all your excess weight. Perhaps I will....hope so too, but I would like to think that I'm pretty now?

This blog is meant for me to share the feelings and emotions that maybe most people will deal with while going through the same thing. Some will be very positive, and some maybe not so positive. Either way, I'm here to share & not hold back so that some people who are working on making their own decision might be able to say, 'Wow, that's exactly how I feel'. I thank you all for reading, supporting me, hanging in there if there are going to be some difficult times, and hanging around for the fun and laughter.

117 more days to go....it's coming faster than I thought.

WHAT DID I LEARN IN THE SEMINAR

What is Roux-en-Y? Simply, it is reduction in the functional volume of the stomach. Did you know that the top portion of the stomach is where the nerves are that trigger that important message to the brain "I'm full". By reducing the volume of the stomach using this top portion of the pouch, it will give me the ability to feel full sooner and for a longer period of time. Foods to be avoided are mushy foods, like mashed potatoes with gravy and cereals. Solid foods are to be consumed. like carrots, broccoli, cawliflower, chicken, beef and pork. As always, drinking water is good for me, however I'm not to drink 30 mins before or 45 minutes after meals. I'm to try to spread my meals over 5.5 hours in between.


Photo: Wikipedia

What does this mean in a nutshell? Four bites is what I will be allowed to have in one meal. This is the equivalent to 1/2 cup. As long as I eat the solids that the nutritionist recommends, I should be able to lose 70% of my excess weight.

What is excess weight? Take your ideal or healthy weight from the BMI index and substract your existing weight from it. The difference is your excess weight. For example, if you have 100 lbs of excess weight, you will most likely lose 70 lbs with this surgery.

Some people who have had this surgery sometimes complain about their 'little pouch' stretching. This is not the case. In most cases, the patient has taken one too many bites, 'the fifth bite' and had pain in their new stomach. In order to get away from that pain and instead of reducing their bites to the recommended 'FOUR', they have returned to eating the mushy foods that are prohibited. The mushy food is consumed and the nerves in the little pouch never feel the sensation of fullness, the mushy food squeezes out into the intestines and the patient feels hungry once again. Therefore, the stomach never stretching.

I learned about all the risks involved in the surgery. Common ones like infections and gallblader stones. However, some more serious risks where one involves death. Something no one wants to discuss, since it is a very sensitive conversation. I have discussed all these risks with my family and also have made sure that they are well taken care of in case this ever happens. Not the dinner table topic, but needs to be discussed either way. My boys are old enough to have this discussion with and actually appreciate to know that they will be well taken care of. Make sure you have an updated Last Will and Testament and appoint your Powers of Attorney. It costs money, but it will also make your family feel better knowing that you have everything in order.

I'm happy to have the support from all of you, your kind words mean the world to me.

I'm happy to have Geoff by my side to help me through this huge change in my life. He is a man who loves me just the way I am, a man who has never been condescending to me because of my weight. The man that blows me kisses at least 10 times a day, and the man who looks at me with passion in his eyes and lets me know that I'm beautiful and sexy to him. I love you so much!

I'm extremely happy to have my children by my side who understand what all this means to me. They've been through the rollercoaster rides with me on different diets and where also there to see the joy of the weight loss then to see it fail, see the tears and the resentment. They want the same for me that I want for myself....a healthy and active life. I'm honoured to have children like my boys who have so much care for the people they love....I'm very greatful to be one of those people. Love you guys so so much!

CONSULTATION

We arrived on time for the doctor's visit after our beautiful day at the Utica Zoo (all pictures from the weekend will be posted on my facebook profile).

We met with the nurse Kayla and she went through the medical questions, took my weight and my height. After our conversation with Kayla, we met with Michelle who walked us through again the same questions, however, she was able to offer me a date for my surgery!

My surgery will be held on December 8th, 2009. (UPDATED: SURGERY WILL BE ON TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27TH, 2009)

I will be in Utica on Monday, December 7th, 2009 for pre-op and am required to be on a liquid diet for 72 hours prior to the operation. The operation takes about 1 hour. My stay in the hospital will be 2 to 3 days, then I am required to stay one night at the hotel before I depart for Canada. If no complications, I will be ready to come home. Time away from work is 2 - 3 weeks, depending on how well I heal. My family doctor here in Canada is responsible for all blood work, EKG tests required for pre-op and any prescriptions required for post-op. Tests will be required to be done 30 days prior to my surgery.

After our meeting with Michelle, we then met with the surgeon who AGAIN walked us through the medical questions, had me sign a variety of documents and thanked us, shook our hands and went on to the next patient. The appointment took all about 30 minutes to complete. Also a tip, if you have medical insurance with your work, make sure to have the forms completed (patient information) for the pre-op. Your surgeon will complete the form and send it to your disability management group.

I'm not sure what it is I feel right now...fear, happiness, gratefulness, relief.... it's going to happen, and it's going to happen in the next 4 months. Knowing that my manager is supporting me at work and said that she feels my decision is 'a good news story', puts me at ease. One less thing to worry about.

Wow, this is for real now...my life and health can only improve going forward.

Thanks for letting me share all of this so far. I will keep you updated with any other information if anything comes up.

Your friendly, loving and caring person always,
Deliska ;-)

August 6, 2009 - Utica Zoo

My appointment with Dr Fitzer isn't until 2:30, so Geoff and I decided that we will go spend our day at the Utica Zoo. It's only about 5 mins from the hotel and it has 200 acres where 35 acres of it is now in use. We're off very shortly to have our complimentary breakfast.

http://www.uticazoo.org/

SEMINAR

I was very impressed that when I walked in, it was the surgeon (Dr Fitzer) himself who was delivering the seminar. He spoke of the techniques used, how the surgery works for weight loss and the do's & don'ts. He also talked about the risks involved. Dr Fitzer was up front about some of these risks happening to his patients, but was able to mend them. I was already aware of all the things he spoke of since I have done alot of research on my own. At the end of his speech, he opened the floor for questions. It really hits you in the face that this is actually going to happen now. When you're actually there speaking with the surgeon and knowing that your health and life is going to completely change with this surgery. Tomorrow at 2:30, I meet one on one with Dr Fitzer to discuss my personal medical history. Hopefully tomorrow I will know when my surgery is going to be...not really sure how that works yet, but will definetely note it once I find out.

On a tourist note, Geoff and I went to the Stanley Theatre. The doors were unlocked and the man at the ticket booth said to go on in. What an amazing theatre. The architecture was unbelievable and antiqué. We roamed around the theatre, from the bottom up, pretending that we would some day attend a performance there. And of course, I didn't have my camera with me, but man, what a kodak moment that was. Just a gorgeous place to have the honor to visit.

ARRIVAL FOR SEMINAR & CONSULTATION

2:30pm - Geoff and I arrived at our hotel room in Utica. We made several stops along the way, including the Skydeck on Hill Island. We both went up right to the top, it was a beautiful view(pictures to come). U.S. Customs was a breeze, waited about 10 minutes max to get through. A bit of construction a long the way, but the roads are pretty good.

Special thanks to special friends for signing as guarantors. We appreciate very much the last minute request.

5:30 is the seminar....looking forward to it and will be taking lots of notes.

Pick up Passports & On our Way to Utica, NY

So we're off to Ottawa to pick up our passports (last hurdle to jump over). They better be there! LOL Then we're off to Utica, NY. Seminar at 5:30 - 6:30.

APPROVAL RECEIVED

My family doctor called me this morning to let me know they received a fax from OHIP. I have approval!!! I'm so stoked now! Off to the states tomorrow for the seminar and consultation with the surgeon.

WAITING FOR OHIP

I'm getting very anxious to find out if OHIP is going to approve my application. I'M not sure if Purolator is running today. I'll stick around the house to see if they might be running. I guess that's the biggest thing right now. Everyone tells you that there should not be a problem with approval, but until you know for sure that it's confirmed, it's a bit frustrating.

PREPARE FOR EXTRA EXPENSES

August 2, 2009 - Extra Expenses

Although OHIP will cover the Medical Insurance (once approved), they will not cover travel & accomodations. The first trip will require to stay minimum 1 night stay. The surgery will require your spouse/partner/family to stay minimum 3 nights. Plan ahead for the costs of the travel and accomodations as this surgery (for my area) takes place in Utica, New York.

http://www.mvnhealth.com/

St Luke's Health Care

OHIP STATUS

July 29, 2009

I contacted OHIP to find out the status of my application. The medical team was reviewing my application. They had contacted my doctor a couple of times with extra questions and the lady told me it looked good for approval and I should receive my results by purolator in a couple days.

PASSPORT OR ENHANCED DRIVER'S LICENSE

July 17, 2009 - EDL & Passport

Since Canadians are now required to either have an Enhanced Drivers Licence (EDL) or a Passport to cross the border, Geoff and I were forced to get our butts to Ottawa to get one of them. We decided we would try for the EDL. The lady at the Service Ontario counter advised us that the wait was 6 weeks or more, so we had to get our passports. A friend of mine drove 30 minutes from where he lived to come and sign as my guarantor and Geoff had to wait to have one of his friend's sign on the weekend. Takes about 15 days to get your passport if you can pick it up. If you want it by snail mail, you'd better be ready for a LONG wait.

EDL ($40) or Passport (Approximately $97 and up). You will also need passport pictures taken. Prices vary depending on where you get them. It was approximately $45 for Geoff and I at Black's Photography.


EDL: http://www.news.ontario.ca/mto/en/2009/05/apply-today-for-your-enhanced-drivers-licence.html

Passport Canada: http://www.passportcanada.gc.ca/index.aspx?lang=eng

ENSURING FORMS ARE FAXED TO OHIP

July 9, 2009 - Forms are sent

My family doctor's office called to let me know they faxed the forms over to OHIP. Now the waiting begins.

FAMILY DOCTOR VISIT & ONLINE REGISTRATION WITH DR GRABER

July 2, 2009 - Family Doctor Visit

I had my visit with my family doctor and I was well prepared with all the forms filled out. He knew the rollercoaster ride I had been on trying to lose weight and is willing to back me up 150%. He agreed to filling out the forms.

I went home and accessed http://www.drgrabermd.com/ to fill out the questionnaire and start the process of their office contacting me for an appointment. Within 24 hours, Dr Fitzer's office called me to arrange an appointment for the seminar and a consultation appointment. They also let me know that if for some reason OHIP wasn't to approve, that they would not charge me for the consultation with the surgeon. I'm very excited about all of this.

My appointment is August 5, 2009 (Seminar) and August 6th (Consultation).