Wow 117 Days left

I'm pretty sure that everyone that matters to me now knows what is going on. I feel somedays are tougher than other days, waiting and making sure everything is just right before I go in December. Some people tell me stories about things they've heard, people dying from the surgery, but I need to keep focussed on what the reality is. So here it goes, if I don't get the surgery, I will die. If I get the surgery, I will most likely live. Which one would you chose??

My sleep apnea is severe and Geoff worries about me alot when he notices that I stop breathing several times at night (sometimes up to 77 times per 7 hour sleep). I wear my CPAP as much as I can, but it's very uncomfortable and sometimes feels like I'm being strangled by the hose. I've gained approximately 20 lbs over the summer. Is it my thyroid condition? My doctor still has problems regulating my Eltroxin. Is it my eating habits? Geoff and the boys complain that I don't eat enough, possibly not so much the amount I eat, but what I'm eating. Funny thing is, I eat the same as them, less of it, and they are just fine. Mind you, they are much more active then I am, so burning off the calories is most likely a problem. The bigger you get, the harder it is to move around. It could possibly be as simple as just not getting enough sleep due to the sleep apnea.

It's all very hard to explain. Am I trying to justify my decision? Nope. I'm merely trying to explain some of the reasons why I made it. There are several reasons for my decision, however, please keep in mind that the TOP reason is for good health and to be here for mine & Geoff's kids...and for Geoff. The cosmetic results of the surgery is very appealing, but was not the end factor of my ultimate decision to have the surgery. Some people have said to me, wow you're going to look 'hot' or 'so pretty' when you lose all your excess weight. Perhaps I will....hope so too, but I would like to think that I'm pretty now?

This blog is meant for me to share the feelings and emotions that maybe most people will deal with while going through the same thing. Some will be very positive, and some maybe not so positive. Either way, I'm here to share & not hold back so that some people who are working on making their own decision might be able to say, 'Wow, that's exactly how I feel'. I thank you all for reading, supporting me, hanging in there if there are going to be some difficult times, and hanging around for the fun and laughter.

117 more days to go....it's coming faster than I thought.