That Was Then, This is My Now

Thank you to everyone who have supported me throughout my journey.  You all stay true to my heart. I sure had my ups & downs caused by the health related issues I have been suffering for the past two years.

Special thanks to my husband and boys, love you with all my heart, mind & soul.  You never fail me, you always have my back and you guys love me just the way I am.  I'm one lucky woman.

Please watch my personal video by clicking on the link below:

Than Was Then, This is My Now

Song by Jordin Sparks

Happy New Year 2012 everyone!

Dee

I'm a Very Strange Woman!

Yesterday was a very busy day for both Geoff and I!  I worked until 12:30pm, which was so busy that it felt like I had been at work for 15 hours.  Geoff spent most of the morning on the phone with the school, the courts and his ex to get things rolling with the move of his son into our home.

We left for Ottawa around 1pm, stopped to get gas in Kemptville at 112.9/litre.  I arrived early at my appointment around 2:05pm (my appointment had been scheduled for 2:30pm) with my Gynecolgist, but it was good as he was running late.  His office works on a first come first serve basis.  Finally around 3pm, Dr Feigel came in to examine me.  As he walks in to the room, he looks at me, says, 'You're a very strange woman, it doesn't matter what I do for you, you end up with complications', then proceeded on telling me why. I grinned and then clamped up....thinking what the hell else is wrong with me?!!

First thing, he reviewed the test results from the biopsy and also showed me the documentation that indicated that no cancer was present.  It was nice to see it in writing.  Next he proceeded to tell me that the diagnosis of when I was hospitalized in November was incorrect.  It was not endometrioma.

I'm not sure if some of you remember reading my previous post shortly after my surgery in April to remove my ovaries, but I mentioned that they indicated in the OR documentation that they 'believe' they had removed both ovaries, however were not able to confirm the removal of the right ovary.  Well, the right ovary that was missing in action....they found a small piece of it, they call it ovarian tissue.  So......the little bugger is growing.

Therefore, to explain what happened in November....  Since I still have a trace of ovarian tissue, I'm still producing estrogen.  With that, plus taking estrogen pill,  I ended up with Estrogen overdose.  What's next?  I went for blood work as he needs to determine exactly how much estrogen I am producing.  In three months I return for an ultrasound.  Keeping my fingers crossed that my ovary doesn't grow anymore.  I'm actually chuckling about the whole thing as if this continues, everything might just grow back and Geoff and I will be able to have a baby.......NOT!!! LMAO!!! 

After the appointment, we went over to Zach's so that I could give him a care package of my baking & cooking.  I'm sure he's enjoying it :)  We then went to Costco to buy some ground beef & ground pork as I will be making Tourtières with my mom on Saturday.

After Costco, we met Ryan and his mom at Tim Horton's to officially have him move in with us.  We finally arrived home around 7pm.  It was a busy day!

Thank you for reading about my life that never has a dull moment.

Cheers!

Dee :)

Time for Christmas Decorations & Holiday Cheer!

Before I start this blog, I must say this first & foremost:

'ARRIVE ALIVE, DON'T DRINK & DRIVE'

My days have been so full of activity, there's never a dull moment in my life.  Geoff and I will be celebrating 3 years of being together on December 10th, his birthday is December 20th and then Chrstimas on the 25th.  WHOA!! Lot's of partying! 

Christmas this year, and I'm very pleased to say, will be spent with my family in McDonalds Corners (my sister will still be in Myrtle Beach sunning it up!).  I'm looking forward to it as it's been a very long time.  I'll be going up a couple days prior to Christmas to give my Mom a hand with the cooking & baking.  On December 17th, I'll be heading up to there to help Mom make some Meat Pies (Tourtières)...mmmmmmmmm!  Mom has always been such a wonderful cook, so I'm sure she'll be proud of my cooking abilities.

I'm not really completely in the Christmas mood, but I think I'm planning on putting the Christmas tree up tonight.  Hopefully, Geoff & Brodie will want to help me.  Haven't started any Christmas shopping either...not even sure what to get anybody this Year. 

But... let's rewind a bit and talk about this week.  Tomorrow, I'm leaving work early, around 1:30pm, to go for my MRI at the Ottawa Civic.  Everything has been going very well since they've taken me off the estrogen/hormones.  I'm having a little bit of trouble sleeping at night because of the night sweats, but I'll deal with it one night at a time.  After the MRI, I'll be meeting up with my sister Micheline and then we'll be off to a Party Light event at Maria's.  Once we've been candled-out (LOL), we'll be heading out dancing!  YAY! 

With all these appointments, I've been working 6:30am - 3:00pm each day to make up the time.  It's been tough getting up earlier every morning.  It's amazing how even 30 mintues can make a huge difference.

December 14th, I will be heading to Ottawa once again to get the results from the MRI.  I'm sure everything will be great as I've been feeling alot better!

So.....since this month is going to be a busy one, I want to take the time to

wish all of you a very

Merry Christmas! 

For all others who don't celebrate Christmas:

Happy Winter Solstice
Happy Bodhi Day
Happy Hanukkah
Happy Day of the Return of the Wandering Goddess
Happy Saturnalia
Happy Eid ul-Fitr
Happy Kwanzaa

I'm sure there are many more!

Cheers!
Dee :)

Focusing on the Positive

It's been about two weeks since my last fall-out with my health.  It has been a bit challenging, since I've been thrown into menopause once again.  I'm taking a non-hormonal medicine called Dixarit for hot flashes (credit to my friend Leona).  Although it doesn't seem to help much with my emotional mood swings, I'm greatful for not having to sleep in a pool of sweat!  Besides that, I'm still bleeding a little but only about 1/4 teaspoon per day, so nothing to really concern myself about.  I do have to admit, wearing a pad/liner was not on my list of things, that's for sure....feels strange having to wear them again.

So I carry on, focusing on the positive which are that the bleeding is not as bad as it was, I'm off Dilaudid (which is great since I had so much trouble last time I was on it), I can return to work on Monday (which oddly enough I do miss) and I seem to have regained some of my appetite.

Again, I thank everyone who sent me notes and well wishes, I truly appreciate the support.  Now I still wait for the pathology results from the biopsy, prayers & words of kindness & support are always welcome.  I will be sure to update once I receive the results and have shared with my family.

I would also like to convey a special thank you to those who opened their homes and provided a place for my husband to crash while I was in the hospital.  Thank you Micheline and Brad, Bill and Maria, your generosity is greatly appreciated!!

Thank you to Kelly and Bruce for picking up my phone charger and mailing it to me, you definetely went above & beyond and your friendship means a great deal to me.  You are very kind people.

Cheers,
Dee :)

Just When I Thought it Was Over

Just when I thought it was over and my health was at it's best, a black cloud once again appeared over my head.  It all seemed to start on Sunday October 25th.  I felt strange, run down, thinking that I really needed more sleep.  A migraine started and took a couple of days to get rid of it.  I missed work Monday morning for a couple of hours & Tuesday then returned on Wednesday.  Still not feeling 100%, I thought to myself that I must have a bug or something.

Friday the October 28, 2011, the day after my 2nd year surgiversary, I felt cramps, identical to menstrual cramps.  I told Geoff about it and we kind of laughed it off, suggesting it would be 'Immaculate Conception'.  Saturday, I felt a little worse, but tried to ignore it.

That's when things started getting a bit worse.  Sunday morning, October 28th, I was making breakfast with Geoff when I felt like I had pee'd my pants.  I didn't say anything to Geoff, and quietly went to check in the bathroom.  I hadn't pee'd, I was bleeding.  I called Geoff to the bathroom to show him.  Reason for showing him...I had a full hystertomy, bleeding from down below is NOT supposed to happen.

Geoff and I had planned to go to Westport on Sunday and I really didn't want to cancel our plans.  So I thought, I'll throw a pad on, and I'm sure it will all go away.  I guess I was somewhat in denial.

When we got home Sunday late afternoon, I went back to the bathroom and the bleeding was worse.  I again told Geoff and he said that we were going to emergency right away....and we did.

We went to Brockville emergency, where I was examined by a doctor who was unfamiliar with the anatomy of a woman who's had a full hysterectomy.  This was not comforting to me.  I was handed two antibiotics and two extra strength tylenol and was told to return to the hospital emergency for an ultrasound for 8am in the morning.

The ultrasound technolgist was very nice and soon realized that my right side was in horrible pain.  They couldn't locate my appendix but found a mass on my right side where my right ovary should have been.  They couldn't identify what this mass was.

I returned to emergency to discuss my results with the doctor.  They said they didn't have a clue what was wrong with me and did not know where and what was causing the bleeding.  They gave me an Rx for Dilaudid, told me to keep my feet up, and referred me to an OBGYN in Brockville.  After reading the reviews on this doctor, I decided to contact my own OBGYN in Ottawa, which the scheduled me for an appointment Friday at 8:30am.

Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed home, was keeping the pain controlled with the Dilaudid, but by Wednesday afternoon I only had 1 pain killer left.  Geoff worked t'ill 7 Wednesday night, but when he arrived home and saw my condition, he suggested we go to emergency again.  I told him I would only go to the Ottawa Civic, where I knew I would get some answers.

We arrived at the Ottawa Civic around 9 pm and they immediately took me into Urgent Care.  I have to admit that I was really scared.  I didn't know what to think, bleeding where I'm not supposed to really was raising alot of flags.  I had two doctors examine me and they were not pleased with what they saw.  By midnight, they decided to do a biopsy of my vaginal wall.  The 2nd year student warned me that it would be very painful.  And it WAS!!!  I would rather give birth to my boys again.

Obviously the reason behind the biopsy was to rule out cancer.  You can imagine how much this was freaking me out.  The first thing I thought of and told Geoff was:  "Oh my God, how will I tell the boys if it's cancer?"  And I began to cry.  Geoff immediately came to comfort me and spoke so soothingly that I calmed down.  He said "We will deal with that if we need to, right now we don't know for sure".  I was so scared, I was trembling.  I didn't want to have to put my kids through another hard time, they've been through so much in their lives already.  The doctors came back in and said that I would not be going home, that they had already admitted me, however, I would have to stay in Urgent Care until they found me a bed.  I was a bit pleased with that since I would have my own private room for the night.

The next morning, Thursday, they sent me for an MRI and later another ultrasound.  This confirmed two large masses, one on my vaginal wall and one attached to my bowel.  They concluded that I was suffering from Endometrioma.  Apparently, a rare condition with women who have had a full hysterectomy.  The culprit to the endometrioma, HORMONES!  The hormones I was taking for menopause after my ovaries were removed in April this year, was feeding the endometrioma. They discharged me Friday morning after an examination to confirm that the bleeding had slowed down already.

I am not allowed to at anytime in my life take any kind for hormones/estrogen, as the endometrioma will return.  So now, I deal with the hot flashes and other side effects of menopause.  Am I complaining?  NO!!!  I rather deal with that, then to have found out that I have cancer.  The results of the biopsy are not in yet, but I'm confident that there is no cancer, that this was a very good scare and nothing else.  We should know within 1 - 6 weeks.

I return for another MRI in 1 month to confirm that the endometriomas have shrunk in size, and then for a follow-up appointment with my OBGYN.

Thank you for all the prayers, words of support and mostly thank you to my husband Geoff who is there for me no matter what, and who loves me unconditionally. 

Now for relaxation and re-cuperation, I must take some time off from work, once again.  I wish things could have been different.  I am a strong woman, but I have to admit, this has really pushed me over.  I am at my witts end with sickness and medical problems. 

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Dee

2 Year Surgiversary

Today I celebrate my 2 year surgiversary. It's been quite the journey, but I've never questioned on 'why in the hell did I do this'. I've always been very happy with my decision to get the RNY. After 4 surgeries within 18 months, moved houses and towns in 2010, married in 2011, I'm still kicking and smiling.

After my fourth surgery in April this year to remove my ovaries (to clean me right out), I lost way too much weight and went down to 135 lbs. For the past 2 months, I've been hovering around 145 - 148 lbs and I'm very happy with that. My personal goal was 150 lbs, so I'm still below goal. My BMI is also still in the 'normal' range.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has supported me through the past 2 years, especially my husband who has been there through thick & thin and never stopped smiling and calling me sexy :) (Even when I went through surgical menopause..poor guy)

To all my friends, THANK YOU so much for the kind words and accepting me for who I am, even when I went through the worse time of my life, you still supported me.

THANK YOU ALL OH Friends! You guys are amazing!

Cheers,
Dee :)

Annual Check-up, Vacation & Thanksgiving 2011

Geoff and I took another week off together and we had the most incredible time.  Sunday, October 2nd, we left for Utica, since I was scheduled for an endoscopy to rule out an ulcer in my pouch.  Monday morning we woke at 5am to be at the hospital for 6am.  The EDG was for 7am.  All went well, Dr Baranov informed Geoff that my pouch was prestine, 100% crystal clean.  Great news!  So it looks like my issues with epigastric pain is acid reflux and medicine has been prescribed to look after that.  I then met with the practioner at Dr Graber's office to follow through with my routine check up and everything looks great.  They are happy with my weight and agree that my body is still trying to adjust to the multiple surgeries I've had in the past 2 years. 

Once the appointment was over and done with, we travelled over to Niagara-on-the-Lake where we stayed the Hilton Garden Inn.  What a lovely place.  The room was just perfect with a jacuzzi and king size bed.  The following day, Tuesday October 4th, we took a 3 hour wine tour and visited about 10 wineries.  We didn't go with a tour guide, we preferred stopping at some small wineries that were run by families.   We wanted to be able to purchase wines that you can't find at the LCBO. 

We then travelled over to Brampton since Orangeville wasn't too far from there as we planned to go on the Credit Valley Explorer Train Tour.  We had such a great time, the trees were just glowing with changed coloured leaves.  They served us a light lunch which included cheese & cracker with grapes, then sandwiches and a tossed salad.  Geoff had coffee and I enjoyed a couple glasses of wine. 

After our Orangeville experience, we left to treck our way down to Caledon where we visited with my cousins that I hadn't seen in over 30 years.  We had a great time catching up!  They made a bon fire and Geoff and I tented in their back yard.  It was a little cold of course, but we had a good nights sleep anyways.

We headed back for home on October 6th since I wanted to be home for my son's 17th birthday.  However, we did make some stops along the way home, like at the Bass Pro Shops in Vaughan and the Low Carb Grocery store in Markham.

We arrived home around 7pm after stopping to buy some supper and a birthday cake for my son.  What a trip we had!  Over 1,200 kms.

Looking forward to going to the wineries again next year to stock up on some more delicious wines.

Monday, we hauled the whole family over to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner.  Unfortunately, my eldest son was not able to make it, but he was definetely missed.  For the meal, I portioned myself very well, and am pleased with myself.  The food was excellent and I was able to share Thankgiving not only with my family but also with my inlaws.  It was very special to have them meet my parents and sister for the first time.  Supper followed with a bon fire, wienners & marshmallows and awesome conversations!

Hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving, I know that we sure did.

Cheers,
Dee :)

There's More to Me Than Just Weight Loss

As a mother of two of my own, and step mom of one, I lead a very busy life.  I am an employee at Bell Aliant and work in the Support Structures Agreements department.  What do I do?  I receive permit applications from other competitors as they request permission to use our support and underground structures.  Many, many rules & regulations to abide by, but I really enjoy my work.  My exchanges consist of all of 613 & 519 areas.

My family life is dear to me.  Geoff, my husband, and I enjoy each other's company, it's like we are best friends.  We do also enjoy time apart as this gives us time to miss each other and appreciate each other's presence alot more.  The best part is that we share alot of same 'likes' and 'dislikes'.  We both enjoy the outdoors, camping, campfires, travelling (even if it's just visiting little quaint villages around our home) and most importantly we love to laugh together and lead a positive life.

Photography has always been an avenue for me to escape my everyday busy life.  I can't really say that I have a specific style in my photo art, rather I enjoy changing it up every so often.  My husband has his degree in fine arts and when we met he discovered that I had a talent for photography and encouraged me to pursue my strengths.  I took 2 courses in Ottawa to 'learn' how to use my camera, however, I still need alot of practise but I love the challenge in learning new things.  I'm looking into finding a group around where I live to get some support and more insight on my photography.

I enjoy music both radio and instruments!  I've learned through the years how to play the piano (Royal Conservatory of Music), the flute, clarinet, saxophone, pipe organ and guitar.  I am very happy that I've found something in common with my son Broderick.   He has discovered the world of music and is learning how to play the guitar and piano at a very fast rate.  I'm lucky to be able to share my musical talent with him and that at 17 years of age, he is so receptive to it.  I have to say, that Broderick is such a loving person.  I wonder who he gets that from?  :P

My eldest son Zachary, who I miss dearly, is working at his final year at College.  I'm so very proud of his accomplishments and how mature and independant of a young man he's turned out to be.  His life seems to be surrounded by school, work, biking and of course friends and family.  I seem to have to call him many weeks ahead of time to be able to book some time into his very busy agenda.  He still continues to smile and seems to be enjoying his program.

With Zach in his final program year and Broderick in his last year of Highschool, I'm faced with two graduations next year!  Good Lord they best not fall on the same day!

Just last night, I mentioned to Geoff that I want to take a College course in Web Design and he thought it was a great idea.  I've approached my manager about a course being offered at my local College and she will find out if the Company will reimburse the fees.  That would be amazing!

I'm really enjoying going to the gym to workout and meet new people.  As a full figured woman, it was very difficult to 'move', knees hurt, hard to bend over, so on and so forth.  So now, it feels great to be able to move and not hurt so much...except for the bit of 'good' pain from working out.

Making time for my friends is sometimes difficult, but it's so great to get out and dance, shoot the shit around a campfire, laugh, share, whatever the heck comes out of the time we spend together, it's always a blast.  Not to mention the awesome times that I spend with my sister lately.  She will be going down south for the winter, just like the birds, so I will miss her.  Thank God for social networking and Skype!

So, with that said, there is more to me than just weight loss. I am fun, loving and encourage anybody to pursue what it is that they really love, it's worth it in the end, especially if it made you smile.

If you're interested in viewing some of my photos, please feel free to like my page:

10 Things That Make My Heart Flutter

Sitting here, realizing how lucky I am in my life, I decided to write at least 10 things that make my heart flutter no matter how simple those things may be. (Every single one of these are equal in value to me whether it's number 1 or number 10).    The past 2 years have been challenging but mostly exciting and brought many happy memories.  So here I go:

My heart flutters when:

1.  ...My boys take a moment to say hi and ask how I'm doing and say "I love you mom".
2.  ...My sister says:  "I'm so looking forward to seeing you".
3.  ...My husband looks at me and says: "Hey Gorgeous" or "Hey Sexy"
4.  ...My  friend comes in to work and always says "Goodmorning Dee" (She is leaving at the end of September, I will miss her)
5.  ...I look in the mirror and I'm finally able to say to myself "Wow I look good today"
6.  ...I smile at someone and they smile back.
7.  ...I receive a note from someone telling how much I've been an inspiration to them during their own journey.
8.  ...When my sister Micheline turns to me, hugs me, and says:  "I love you so much"
9.  ...I now realize that I can pick up the phone and say "Hi Mom, Hi Dad"
10.  ...When I look forward to all the new memories that I will able to share with the ones I love dearly.

Positive affirmations in someone's day brings positive results.  Smile folks, it keeps 'em guessing.

Cheers & Love,
Dee

You Are Beautiful

Since being reconnected with my family, I look forward to receiving a text or email from my sister every morning as we wish each other a wonderful day.  This morning as I prepared for my in-laws to visit us in our home for the first time, as well as I thought 'Geez, I haven't heard from Anna yet?', I received an email from her.  We may have been apart for years, but there's always been a connection between the two of us that remained.  Our lives are based on positive affirmations and it's wonderful that we are both experiencing the same kind of joy and happiness in each our lives.

I found the email she sent me so thoughtful that I wanted to post it to my blog:


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You are beautiful

A positive affirmation of the wonder of human experience

You are beautiful.

You are a unique individual. A star like no other; past, present or future. You are on a special journey with a very important purpose.

You are beautiful.

You are part of that great oneness known as Spirit. You are also part of its particular manifestation that is the physical universe. Just as you are attached to every other atom and molecule of the cosmos so you are connected to every part of the Great Spirit, or God. Clothed in a physical body that in itself is a miracle of design and creation you have at your heart divine light.

You are beautiful.

Possessed of free will you have unlimited power to make your influence felt upon all that is. For every action of your will is like a pebble thrown into a pond. Its ripples spread across space and time changing that which otherwise would have been.

You are beautiful.

Having the power of love and compassion you use your will to bring light where there is darkness and healing where there is disharmony. You cannot conceal your love for it shines like a beacon from your very essence. Let it shine unconditionally in all you say and do because...

You are beautiful.

Though sometimes imperfect your failings are part of your beauty and humanity. If you were perfect you would have no need to exist in the here and now. Your flaws and weaknesses are merely manifestations of your potential to learn and grow.

You are beautiful.

And the universe you inhabit is beautiful too. Like you, the world and your fellow travellers also carry imperfections. They are on a journey too. Sometimes your journey seems dark and uncaring, but that is just an illusion. The world loves you because you are beautiful.

Hunger Strikes Again!

For the past few weeks I've been feeling hungry all the time.  I've been craving carbs like it's going out of style.  I'm finding it very difficult to stay away from them.  I've gained a couple of pounds since my wedding, but I'm not too concerned about that yet.  My body has been through alot and I figured that after the wedding I would probably gain a it since there would be less stress. 

So now I've decided to return to my gym.  I meant to go last night but met up with a very special friend who is moving away and wanted to spend a couple hours with her instead.  I haven't worked out in a long time, but find that I'm easily bored now in the evenings and am missing the workouts. 
So far, my diet today is not starting on a good note.  I've eaten my lunch sandwich for breakfast (chicken salad sandwich) and 2 hours later I snacked on half a bagel (everything bagel) with some cream cheese.  I 'm thinking that I really need to go back to basics! 

Maybe it's time to take the green sheet menu back out and try a 5 day pouch test?

If you have any suggestions, please feel free to post them as I am open to anything at this point.  I really don't want to go back, I've come way too far for that.  Happy at 140 lbs..now 142 lbs...must bite this in the butt now!

Cheers,
Dee :)

Your Mission if you so Choose To Accept it

In the beginnings of our relationship, I prepared a CD for Geoff and left it in his truck at his work. I left a tiny little black box with many positive loving notes inserted inside, wrapped in a red ribbon. I recorded the following mission on the CD:

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make your way home, at 16.30 Eastern Standard Time.

There you will rendezvous with a stunningly beautiful green-eyed blond woman. She will be waiting for you to give you your next assignment.

The future of the free world is now in your hands. This CD will self destruct in five seconds.”

Assuming that you have accepted your mission, I will proceed to the next step. You will find a black box wrapped in a red ribbon. Don’t open it yet!

This box is your survival kit for your mission. It includes all the necessary tools to guide you through this long journey.

Undo the ribbon. Now believe….Believe that everything that is happening is because you deserve it. Believe that everything that is happening is for a reason.

Now open the box.

If your heart flutters, it’s because it’s believing….

This box is a living box, more things will be added as they happen and are required.

Geoff, I love you.

His mission is never complete and neither is mine. Everyone should have a little box to insert a positive note everyday, or at least once per week. When you are down in the dumps, which everyone is at some point, you can go into the box and read some of the notes you wrote. You will see that the positive notes will bring positive memories and you will smile at them. Keep your relationshp alive by remembering what is what like the first day you set eyes on your love, the first time you did something special, romantic and fun!

Take time to 'make' something special for your loved one. It is precious and is absolutely priceless. Make sure to take time to allow special moments to bloom.

Cheers to your next mission.

Hydro-planing

You would think that today's society would be more adaptable to other races, languages, etc.  It's, however, an ongoing matter here where I live and work.  Although there are Code of Ethics that should be followed, people are still stuck in their own prejudice worlds.  I speak English and Français.  I will speak the language of my choice when and where I want to.  If a person is more comfortable speaking French with me, then I will respond to them in the language of their choice.  I've been in this city for just over a year and have been slammed many times for speaking French. 

I have conversations with people over the phone that I work with from Montreal, and apparently this creates problems with others since they 'cannot understand what I am saying'.  The conversation is about work and not about them.  Their insecurities are somewhat childish. 

I've received some words of wisdom from my husband today.  He told me to 'Hydro-plane over the bullshit'. 

Cheers,
Dee :)

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Cheers,
Dee :)

Example:

Family Healing

I've recently been re-introduced into my family and it's a wonderful feeling.  I've been through so much and this has definetly removed some excessive weight from my emotional and physical being.

It began with my youngest son willing to see his granparents.  His visit with them made him feel better since he hadn't had the nicest visit with his own father.  The feeling of being 'wanted' that day healed some of his wounds as he visited with his grandfather for the first time in over 5 years.

I've always offered for my children to see their grandparents, however as to their own discretion, they chose not to, so I did not force them.  I was pleased to find out that he had visited with them.  He relayed some information to me and pleaded that it would be nice for everyone to just get along.  I accepted to see my father.

Sunday, I saw my father for the first time in over 5 years.  It went very well and I felt that this time things may be different.  It was a bit funny, since he hadn't seen me in so long, that he didn't really recognize me when he first saw me.  What can you say when you see someone for the first time in a long time and they are half the size they were when you last saw them.  :)

The visit was pleasant, and I saw my mother as well.  My dad asked me if he could meet my husband, so we then came over to my house.  The atmosphere was pleasant and we enjoyed each other's company.

Sunday night I chatted with my sister Anna to find out if she'd like to reconnect with me.  We had first decided to meet on Wednesday, however I decided to take Monday afternoon off so that I could see her sooner.  She seemed delighted that we would see each other before Wednesday.  We had alot of fun.  It was a very nice visit and it's nice to get to know her again.  So many changes in both our lives, and we are both very happy with our lives and our relationships.

Here's to forgiveness and love of a family..let the new memories begin! 

Cheers,
Dee

The Best Day of My Life

Wow what a spectacular day!  Everything went so well.  I had the most wonderful bridal party who made sure I was ready on time.  I woke up early around 7am to get ready for my hair & make up appointment at Lemar Luxe in Prescott, ON.  Linda & Leslie are sisters and definetely run the best business in town.  They helped me look like the princess I wanted to be for my wedding day.

After the hair appointment, my maid of honour made sure to take me to Timmies to get some food into me.  I had a chicken wrap and it was yummy.

We made it back to Cindy's house where all of our dresses where waiting for us.  I couldn't wait to finally wear my wedding gown for my special day....and don't forget my awesome 4.5 inch heels that I couldn't wait to show off to my new husband.

Cindy, God knows how much I love her.  She prepared all the food trays that we had for the party at the hall.  People gave great feedback on the presentation.  Cindy, you did an wonderful job, I can't thank you enough!  She must have been cloning herself as well, as I think she was in several places at once.  So many people had so many parts in our wedding.  We couldn't have done it without all of you.

The limo showed up on time, actually a bit early.  We proceeded outside where it was so hot, to get some photographs done. 

I almost forgot to put on my necklace and earrings, but my maid of honour had my back.  The bride was in tip top shape and perfectly beautiful. :)

My nerves were all out of whack, but I think I was calmer than I had expected.  I was so happy to have my cousin Lorie at the wedding.  She looked absolutley beautiful in her yellow dress.  And the beautiful bouquets that she made were absolutely elegant and exactly what I was hoping for.

Sarah, a very good sport, wore the dress gracefully.  Sarah does not 'do' dresses, so it was a gift in itself for her to wear one for me.  She is also very much level-headed, and that is exactly what I needed on my wedding day.

Tracy, what a lady.  Tracy had offered to make my cupcakes, which were incredibly beautiful by the way.  One of my bridesmaids had to bow out of the wedding due to a death in the family (God rest her soul), so I asked Tracy to fill in as bridesmaid.  She accepted without hesitation.  I think she had cloned herself on the wedding day, as she made sure to have the cupcakes set up at the hall and to be with me to get dressed and ready for the wedding.  She's an incredible friend!!  I think she's super woman. LOL

Once at the ceremony, things seemed to go into hyper speed.  The ceremony was short and sweet, but still offered some spirtuality that Geoff and I both wanted.  Oopsie from my maid of honour, she forgot the groom's ring.   Hahahahahah!!!  Something to talk about now.  (Thanks Cindy for going to get Geoff's ring at your place)  Geoff and I were married with Dan's ring, my cousin Lorie's husband.  They were quick thinking and just put in a alternate until someone could go get Geoff's ring  Sarah whispered to me as she handed me Dan's ring:  "I forgot Geoff ring, but don't worry about it".   Then Geoff looked at me and whispered, "Just go with it".  So I did.  The Reverend stayed aroud after the ceremony to bless the rings, very kind of him to do this.

The photographs turned out lovely.  The party was absolutely awesome!  I think I danced the whole night except for two dances.  Sarah made sure that I had one hand with a glass of wine and the other with water.   I certainly go the wedding I've always dreamed about, that's for sure!  Geoff is my husband now, and I love the sound of Mrs. Deliska Musgrove.  I'm going to paste my speech that I said on the night of the wedding to Geoff and all my guests for people who really wanted to be there, but couldn't.

I hope everyone enjoyed our wedding as much as we did, and we thank you for sharing such a special moment in our lives.

My speech:

Geofafa….

Finally today has arrived!! I’m sure people will be relieved that I’m no longer posting the countdown to my facebook page. Rest assured, I’ll find something else to countdown to, so no worries. Who knew back on December 10, 2008, that today, you and I would be standing looking into each other’s eyes saying our I DOs to one another? It all started with a dinner and a movie, a passionate moment in a dark elevator and whole whack of chemistry bouncing around us. It was such a powerful evening, I will never forget it. But we both knew in our hearts, didn’t we?  We didn’t date long, about 1 month and then you moved in…on my birthday. I thank my boys for consenting to you moving in with us. They were very upfront with you, by telling you, ‘If there’s something we don’t like, you’ll know about it, and you’ll be out!’ I knew they would be protective of me after them seeing what I had gone through. But, they gave it a chance, to get to know you and it sure didn’t take them long to accept you as their step dad. Zach actually told me one day, ‘Hey mom, don’t screw this up, we like Geoff’. What a twist! Somehow I had gone from the being the good guy to being the bad guy. It has been nice to watch the relationship between you and the boys blossom into something very special. We bring three wonderful young men to our little family, Zach, Brodie and Ryan, and with them, we make a pretty tight unit.  Over the past couple of years, you’ve stood by me, no matter what I was going through, bouts of sadness, sickness, all four surgeries, my weight loss, MENOPAUSE (thank God for the ‘I don’t give a shit pills’). We’ve had our little and BIG arguments and I’m sure we’ll have more, however we always end up looking into each others eyes with forgiveness and love. It’s the making up part that is fun too...right honey? With every obstacle that we are challenged with, we always find a way to unite together and it always works out in the end.  You told me many times, ‘Smile, it keeps ‘em guessing’. I used to do it because you asked me to and because it just simply made sense, now I smile because I want to. Throughout the past several years, I’ve always told my close friends that I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but didn’t know how damn long the tunnel was. I’m happy to say today, that I’ve reached the end of that 7 year long tunnel and I’ve found the light, YOU. It’s obvious that today was merely making everything official, as we’ve proven to each other how much we love each other through good times, bad times, through sickness and health.  Everyday, I find myself thinking about how lucky I am to be surrounded by such a wonderful little family who loves and cares for me. Thank you for showing me the love & support that I long for on a daily basis. Thank you Geoff for loving me unconditionally.  Finally, today I have been formally introduced as your wife, as Mrs Deliska Musgrove!  I can say to you babe….I am so proud to be your wife.

And……I will always Love you More.  Smile ;)

And on behalf of Geoff and myself,

To all our dear friends & family…. Thank you so much for taking the time to come and celebrate this joyous occasion with us. We realize that many of you have travelled a long way. We appreciate your continued support and the love and joy you share with us. For those who, due to unfortunate circumstances, could not attend, you are missed.  Thank you to all three boys who have put up with me over the past 6 or more months talking endlessly about the wedding. Even with the occasional eye-roll I know you guys love me and you know I love you too!  Thank you to all those who have helped Geoff and I in the preparation of this wedding. Every bit of help has been very much appreciated.  Thank you to John, Marion, Sarah and Eric for accepting me and making me feel at home when in yours. I feel very special and honoured to be part of the family. And I’m so happy to be auntie to Natasha.  Ryan, you are special to me and I’m very proud to be your step mom. I hope that our relationship will grow more and more everyday.  Lorie, my dear cousin Lorie, thank you for being here. You bring special meaning to the word ‘family’. You know what I mean. Love you so much.  We are very blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. We wish everyone happiness and lots of laughter in your lives.  I do please ask that everyone of you be safe tonight, please don’t drink & drive.  Now, let’s party and have a great time!!!!

Mrs. Musgrove Out!

Surgery April 15th

Finally got a date for my surgery, which is April 15th.  I will know sometime on Thursday on what time it will be.  I'm somewhat nervous as they are doing open surgery this time.  Two surgeons (Dr Moonje and Dr Feigel) will be performing it.  Dr Moonje is a very good surgeon and Dr Feigel is my OBGYN.  The surgery is to remove a large mass which is again attached to my bladder, bowel and right ovary.  I previously had a large mass removed September 1, 2010.  It is in a sausage like shape and keeps filling with toxic fluid.  They are unsure of where this fluid is coming from.  Dr Feigel will be present so that he can take a look at my ovaries and make the decision on whether they need to be removed or not.  I hope 'not'!

This surgery is in no way linked to my RNY.

 At least I'm in good hands.  Geoff has one point of contact, Sarah my Maid of Honour.  I have sent her a list for the one's who replied to me on facebook who want and update after my surgery.  That's all I have for now, but will definetely update my blog as time goes by.

Cheers!

No Update

The surgeons had decided that my surgery would be in June.  I have however decided that I will ask them to postpone the surgery until after the wedding. Geoff and I have invested alot of money into this wedding and I don't want to risk complications prior to the wedding.  Dr Moonje is back March 28 in his office, so I should here more next week.

Cheers,
Dee