My Promise

I will remember me for who I am now today, as for when my body changes, my heart & soul never will. - Deliska

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Focusing on the Positive

It's been about two weeks since my last fall-out with my health.  It has been a bit challenging, since I've been thrown into menopause once again.  I'm taking a non-hormonal medicine called Dixarit for hot flashes (credit to my friend Leona).  Although it doesn't seem to help much with my emotional mood swings, I'm greatful for not having to sleep in a pool of sweat!  Besides that, I'm still bleeding a little but only about 1/4 teaspoon per day, so nothing to really concern myself about.  I do have to admit, wearing a pad/liner was not on my list of things, that's for sure....feels strange having to wear them again.

So I carry on, focusing on the positive which are that the bleeding is not as bad as it was, I'm off Dilaudid (which is great since I had so much trouble last time I was on it), I can return to work on Monday (which oddly enough I do miss) and I seem to have regained some of my appetite.

Again, I thank everyone who sent me notes and well wishes, I truly appreciate the support.  Now I still wait for the pathology results from the biopsy, prayers & words of kindness & support are always welcome.  I will be sure to update once I receive the results and have shared with my family.

I would also like to convey a special thank you to those who opened their homes and provided a place for my husband to crash while I was in the hospital.  Thank you Micheline and Brad, Bill and Maria, your generosity is greatly appreciated!!

Thank you to Kelly and Bruce for picking up my phone charger and mailing it to me, you definetely went above & beyond and your friendship means a great deal to me.  You are very kind people.

Cheers,
Dee :)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Just When I Thought it Was Over

Just when I thought it was over and my health was at it's best, a black cloud once again appeared over my head.  It all seemed to start on Sunday October 25th.  I felt strange, run down, thinking that I really needed more sleep.  A migraine started and took a couple of days to get rid of it.  I missed work Monday morning for a couple of hours & Tuesday then returned on Wednesday.  Still not feeling 100%, I thought to myself that I must have a bug or something.

Friday the October 28, 2011, the day after my 2nd year surgiversary, I felt cramps, identical to menstrual cramps.  I told Geoff about it and we kind of laughed it off, suggesting it would be 'Immaculate Conception'.  Saturday, I felt a little worse, but tried to ignore it.

That's when things started getting a bit worse.  Sunday morning, October 28th, I was making breakfast with Geoff when I felt like I had pee'd my pants.  I didn't say anything to Geoff, and quietly went to check in the bathroom.  I hadn't pee'd, I was bleeding.  I called Geoff to the bathroom to show him.  Reason for showing him...I had a full hystertomy, bleeding from down below is NOT supposed to happen.

Geoff and I had planned to go to Westport on Sunday and I really didn't want to cancel our plans.  So I thought, I'll throw a pad on, and I'm sure it will all go away.  I guess I was somewhat in denial.

When we got home Sunday late afternoon, I went back to the bathroom and the bleeding was worse.  I again told Geoff and he said that we were going to emergency right away....and we did.

We went to Brockville emergency, where I was examined by a doctor who was unfamiliar with the anatomy of a woman who's had a full hysterectomy.  This was not comforting to me.  I was handed two antibiotics and two extra strength tylenol and was told to return to the hospital emergency for an ultrasound for 8am in the morning.

The ultrasound technolgist was very nice and soon realized that my right side was in horrible pain.  They couldn't locate my appendix but found a mass on my right side where my right ovary should have been.  They couldn't identify what this mass was.

I returned to emergency to discuss my results with the doctor.  They said they didn't have a clue what was wrong with me and did not know where and what was causing the bleeding.  They gave me an Rx for Dilaudid, told me to keep my feet up, and referred me to an OBGYN in Brockville.  After reading the reviews on this doctor, I decided to contact my own OBGYN in Ottawa, which the scheduled me for an appointment Friday at 8:30am.

Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed home, was keeping the pain controlled with the Dilaudid, but by Wednesday afternoon I only had 1 pain killer left.  Geoff worked t'ill 7 Wednesday night, but when he arrived home and saw my condition, he suggested we go to emergency again.  I told him I would only go to the Ottawa Civic, where I knew I would get some answers.

We arrived at the Ottawa Civic around 9 pm and they immediately took me into Urgent Care.  I have to admit that I was really scared.  I didn't know what to think, bleeding where I'm not supposed to really was raising alot of flags.  I had two doctors examine me and they were not pleased with what they saw.  By midnight, they decided to do a biopsy of my vaginal wall.  The 2nd year student warned me that it would be very painful.  And it WAS!!!  I would rather give birth to my boys again.

Obviously the reason behind the biopsy was to rule out cancer.  You can imagine how much this was freaking me out.  The first thing I thought of and told Geoff was:  "Oh my God, how will I tell the boys if it's cancer?"  And I began to cry.  Geoff immediately came to comfort me and spoke so soothingly that I calmed down.  He said "We will deal with that if we need to, right now we don't know for sure".  I was so scared, I was trembling.  I didn't want to have to put my kids through another hard time, they've been through so much in their lives already.  The doctors came back in and said that I would not be going home, that they had already admitted me, however, I would have to stay in Urgent Care until they found me a bed.  I was a bit pleased with that since I would have my own private room for the night.

The next morning, Thursday, they sent me for an MRI and later another ultrasound.  This confirmed two large masses, one on my vaginal wall and one attached to my bowel.  They concluded that I was suffering from Endometrioma.  Apparently, a rare condition with women who have had a full hysterectomy.  The culprit to the endometrioma, HORMONES!  The hormones I was taking for menopause after my ovaries were removed in April this year, was feeding the endometrioma. They discharged me Friday morning after an examination to confirm that the bleeding had slowed down already.

I am not allowed to at anytime in my life take any kind for hormones/estrogen, as the endometrioma will return.  So now, I deal with the hot flashes and other side effects of menopause.  Am I complaining?  NO!!!  I rather deal with that, then to have found out that I have cancer.  The results of the biopsy are not in yet, but I'm confident that there is no cancer, that this was a very good scare and nothing else.  We should know within 1 - 6 weeks.

I return for another MRI in 1 month to confirm that the endometriomas have shrunk in size, and then for a follow-up appointment with my OBGYN.

Thank you for all the prayers, words of support and mostly thank you to my husband Geoff who is there for me no matter what, and who loves me unconditionally. 

Now for relaxation and re-cuperation, I must take some time off from work, once again.  I wish things could have been different.  I am a strong woman, but I have to admit, this has really pushed me over.  I am at my witts end with sickness and medical problems. 

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Dee