Near Accident

I think bad luck has been hovering over my head long enough now that it could probably just take a hike and bother someone else.   On the way to the grocery store (it was raining so I thought I'd get my 30 minute walk in there, plus we needed shampoo), a lady cut me off and forced me to brake to a complete & sudden stop forcing the seatbelt into my abdomen.  The adrenaline was immediate, and the lady who never checked her blind spot, kept going as nothing ever happened.  Once I got into the grocery store, my body started trembling uncontrollably and the pain started in my abdomen.  I called Geoff and told him what happened and his boss allowed him to leave.  St Luke's Faxton Hospital from Utica New York, conveniently called while I waited for Geoff.  They wanted feedback on my stay at the hospital.  The nurse listened to what happened and suggested that I go to the hospital.  I told her I didn't want to drive in this condition and was waiting for Geoff.

Once he got home, we went to the hospital straight away.  They took me in to see the doctor immediately without a wait.  After xrays were done, it was determined that there was no leakage from the staples, however I had very bad bruising.  So bruises over bruises UGH!

A set back nonetheless, but I'm starting to get accustomed to this.  Today I feel 'ok'.  Still alot of tenderness and will take a couple of days for it to heal up. 

As much as I was hurt from the seatbelt, I'm sure it could and would have been worse if I wasn't wearing it.

Short-Term Benefit Approval

So far my day is going well.  I received a call from my work insurance and they approved my time off until December 13th.  It feels so good not to have to worry about that.  I ate just a tiny bit for breakfast, felt a bit of pain, so stopped right away.  I have to take tiny little bites and pace myself so that my pouch has time to tell me 'enough'.  Lunch was ok, was able to eat closer to the portion that is recommended.

I return to work December 14th and am looking forward to it.  Hopefully with the holidays coming, it won't be so busy and I can slowly get back into it.

Cheers

Nightmarish Day

As you could see from my schedule that I shared yesterday, I've been trying to keep a routine going.  I'm also trying to avoid 'sleeping in' to remain accustomed to waking early for work.  I was hoping to never have to experience what I did yesterday.  Attempting to do everything the way I'm supposed to, I noticed alot more pain and tenderness all day.  Everytime I ate, I felt like the food was...well...stacking up. 

I ate a scrambled egg for breakfast, drained minestrone soup for lunch and flaky fish, sweet potato and peas for supper.  Then the pain became excruciating.  I could hardly breathe, I felt like I was having a stroke or heart attack!  I paced up and down the house, trying to understand what was going on as I quietly cried.  Geoff asked me if I felt like I needed to throw up, and I started bawling.  I was so afraid to.  I was afraid that I may hurt or damage my pouch somehow with the pressure from vomiting, so I was holding back.  Finally, Geoff talked me into just letting things happen and I finally threw up.

The pain almost completely subsided but I was so exhausted and my whole body was shaking like a leaf.  I cried for a bit until I just passed out in the recliner.  Geoff covered me up with blankets and sat with me.

I'm still unsure of the cause.  I'm anal about measuring everything so not to exceed 1/2 cup of food per meal.  I'm curious if it might be the addition of the vitamins?  Could it be an intolerance to the peas or sweet potatos?  It's so unnerving when you don't have the answers.

Today, I'm resting.  I'm cutting my portions down to 1/3 cup per meal to see if that might help.  I'll stay away from the two new ingredients to see if that helps.  I hear so many people talking about this type of pain and how they've gone back to just eating mushy foods to eliminate having to experience it.  I don't want to be one of those people, I want to enjoy my food. 

It's all a learning curve and I have to be emotionally prepared to accept the changes.   On a good note, I received the roses in the pictures shown from Geoff.  That made me smile.

Today will be a better day.

Wow Moment

Tough Day

Today was tough.  I was so nauseous this morning and started to drink lots of water.  It's so easy to dehydrate after this surgery.  I'm also feeling more pain in the abdomen than usual and feel a bit swollen as well.  I'm still fighting with both gloves with the insomnia, so I'm pretty exhausted most of the time.

There are so many pills I have to take, it makes my head spin.  I bought myself a small pill container with 7 compartments and printed myself some labels on my label maker.  I'm desperately trying to get as organized as I can so that when I return to work, it will be somewhat a little easier.  My daily schedule is as follows:

6:00 AM :  Centrum & Antacid Rx

7:30 AM - 8:00 AM :  Breakfast

9:00 AM :  Calcium 600 mg & B12 Sublingual 2500 mcg

9:00 AM - 12:30 AM :  Fluid Intake

1:00 PM - 1:30 PM :  Lunch

2:30 PM - 5:30 PM :  Fluid Intake
4:30 PM : Calcium 600 mg
6:00 PM - 6:30 PM : Supper
7:30 PM to Bedtime : Fluid Intake
7:30 PM : Centrum & Antacid Rx
9:30 PM : Calcium 600 mg

Trust me, it took me a good while to figure it all out.  Vitamins need to be at least 2 hours apart and meals 5 hours.  And you can't drink 30 minutes before and 1 hour after meals.  It all became very challenging.

My Wow Moment

I'd like to share with you my wow moment, after all, you've all been following me so far right?  While I was waiting to see the PA at doctor Fitzer's office, I met a really lovely person, who by chance, lives in Ottawa.  While I was chatting up a storm with her, I crossed my legs.  I stumbled in my words and said:  OMG, I just crossed my legs!  I was so much in disbelief, it's been such a long time since I've been able to cross my legs.  Holy Crap!!

I'm very proud of myself for taking this journey.  As tough as it is sometimes, I remind myself how much healthier I will be for my family, friends and my workplace.

I've lost 31.5 lbs so far!  It is so exciting to see the new me emerging.

Follow-up Appointment

Geoff and I left yesterday around 8 in the morning.  Mr GPS took us down through Mallorytown and it was a gorgeous scenery.  Crossing the border was easy and we arrived in Utica around 11:30.  Although it was a bit of a wait to my appointment, we made good with our time. 

Sarah, Dr' Fitzer's assistant, took my blood pressure and we discussed the complications I experienced last weekend.  She agreed that it was all due to dehydration and was happy that I have been drinking alot more since.  She then brought up my blood work, and my Iron is low and Uric Acid is very high. 

I discussed the Insomnia I've been experiencing and the difficulty I'm having with the CPAP since surgery.  She agreed that I needed more time and after discussing with Dr Fitzer, they recommended that I return to work on December 14th.  I am healing, however it is a very slow process.  They don't recommend pushing around in an office chair at this point, or the twisting and pulling motions that I would be doing at my desk.

Geoff and I were burnt out last night when we got back home.  We watched a bit of TV then hit the sack.

Next appointment is Friday, February 26th, 2010.  Wow 2010....sounds weird.

Cheers!

My Journey Continues

Follow-up Appointment

Tomorrow I'm heading off to Utica with Geoff for my first follow-up appointment.  I'm hoping that he will tell me that I'm on track and everything is healing up just fine.  I've been drinking 2000ml of water everyday since my scare last weekend.  It's difficult to get the fluids in since I'm unable to sleep a full night yet.  Apparently insomnia is one of the side effects after this type of surgery.  It's frustrating since I know soon I will be going back to work and with the 2 hours of driving I must do everyday to get there, I know I will be exhausted.  Of course I will be discussing this with Dr Fitzer when I see him tomorrow.


Return to Work

My insurance company at work has approved my time off until November 29th, which means I would have to return to work November 30th.  I miss work, but I don't want to rush my return.  I want to make sure that when I go back, that it's for good.  The surgeon said that I would be off 6-8 weeks, so I'm really not sure what he will decide.


Hair Loss

I've also been a bit concerned about hair loss that might start in month 3 of my journey.  It is a natural occurance with weight loss surgery that you lose hair.  Apparently 1/3 of patients do lose their hair at about the 3rd month stage and until they reach their 6th month.  We can lose up to half of our hair.  The reason this happens is that we have only so much nutrients going through our blood stream and the scalp is not one of the body's concern.  In an effort to eliminate extreme hair loss, it has been suggested that I massage the scalp from 10-15 minutes per day to get the blood stream moving and in the end the nutrients will move up to the scalp and attempt to keep the hair healthy.  If it happens, I just have to remind myself that it will only last for a maximum of 3 months and then new hair will grow back.  It will be like it never happened.


New Menu

I start my new stage in foods tomorrow (November 20, 2009) for weeks 4, 5 and 6.  I will be including Egg Salad, hard boiled egg, flaky fish, pasta & cheese, soft vegetables & fruits.  It will be very nice to add these to my menu. 


Weight Loss

My weight is still hovering around the same place.  I only weigh myself every Monday to document.  Geoff also takes my measurements so that I can also include these in my diary.  Some people are really concerned about losing 2 lbs per week.  I'm trying to stick to the old saying 'The faster it comes off, the faster it will come back on....the slower it comes off, the easier it will be to keep it off'.  I seem to be losing about 2 lbs per week which is 8 lbs per month.  I can't remember the last time I was able to do that.


Ready to Share

I told you all at the beginning of my journey that I was not ready to share my weight.  Geoff at some point had spilled out how much I was weighing at the time of the surgery, but it was an honest mistake.  At my consulation back in August,  Dr Fitzer's nurse weighed me.  I weighed in at 280 lbs!!  I was so depressed and couldn't believe that I allowed myself to get that far.  I have a story on how I got there, OHIP needed it, my GP needed it, my surgeon needed it.  It's a long story, and private, but with my story I was approved for this surgery.  I'm not one of the normal people who can just diet & exercise to lose weight.  Trust me, I've tried.  So here is my progress so far:


August 6th, 2009

Weight               280 lbs
BMI                   46.5

November 29th, 2009

Weight              250.5
BMI                  41.7

For BMI information, please refer to the following site: 

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

Dehydration

Without getting into too much detail, I had some complications this weekend which had me a little distressed.  I went to emergency as instructed by the surgeon in Utica and Geoff.  After some tests, I was sent home with antibiotics. 

I spoke with a nurse from Utica this morning to tell her all of my symptoms from over the weekend and the result is that I am working towards dehydration which is causing most of the symptoms that I'm feeling.  For the most part, I was thinking that I was taking enough fluids in, however they proved me wrong.  So I'm sip, sip, sipping at least an ounce every 10-15 minutes to try to meet the goal of drinking 64 ounces per day. 

I'm going to my first support group tonight which is exciting for me since I haven't been able to really get out to socialize.  My Obesity Help Angel will be driving me to the meeting.  We will be sharing different experiences throughout our journeys and meeting different people.  I tire out pretty fast, so I'm hoping to be able to enjoy myself.

Cheers!

Body Shock

I've lost 27.5 lbs so far since my consultation in August.  I had lost 7.5lbs prior to surgery and have lost 20 lbs since surgery.  I was getting really nervous because I haven't been losing anything for about one week now.  I posted my question on OH and I received such great responses.  One of the responses was that the sudden stop in weight loss is an average occurance and that the first month my body is in shock and is holding on to whatever calories it can because it isn't sure what is going on.  The next 3-6 months are the biggests ones and to hold on and enjoy the experience. 20 lbs in 2 weeks is great - 10 lbs a week! How wonderful!  It's seems longer, but I am currently only 2 weeks Post Op.  It takes approximately 3 weeks for the pouch to heal, so I'm well on my way.

I'm now at a new stage in my diet.  In addition to the loose mashed potatoes, oatmeal and unsweetened apple sauce, I've introduced scambled egg (1/2), tuna and  1/4 to 1/2 of Whole Wheat toast (or whole wheat crackers).  I can add salt and pepper, a little mayo, even ketchup or mustard. 

Good news for me, I was able to sleep in my bed all night this past night without moving into the recliner.  I still feel alot of discomfort on my right side, but it's definetely getting much better.  I saw a friend yesterday that I hadn't seen in a long time and she noticed the weight loss.  She said 'It looks like you lost as much as a small child!'  Which is true when you think about it, 27.5 lbs is almost like an 18 month or 2 year old.

The good news too, is that I might not be losing anything on the scale, but I still am losing in inches. 

Cheers!

Body Image

(Photograph by Unknown)

So I had a bad day last week. Was feeling a bit lonely, but hey...it's understandable isn't it? The tenderness surrounding my abdomen is starting to heal. I'm still not sleeping as well as I would like since I have a hard time finding a comfortable position. That's where I'm very thankful about being able to stay home right now and enjoy the healing time off. My fluids and foods are going great and I'm anxious for Friday to introduce scrambled eggs. :D
I've lost 3.5 lbs since Friday and I'm really feeling the weight loss everywhere on my body. I started watching a show called 'How to look Good Naked' on W. It was very inspiring to know how many people feel uncomfortable in their own skins and how they portray themselves when looking in a mirror. (http://www.channel4.com/programmes/how-to-look-good-naked)

Funny how I shared alot of their fears and anguishes over the human body. Body image is a very big part of our lives. How the public, news and media describe the 'perfect' body could actually be completely different from what the actual brain translates to your eyes. Instead of dwelling on the 'perfect' human body criteria, we really need to focus on the realistic 'perfect' body...which is the average human...you and I.

Alot of men and women haven't even seen their entire naked body in a mirror for years.  They've gone as far as to hide it from their loved one for many years as well.  They've either got rid of the mirrors in the house or ensure to have the mirrors fog up before they undress to have a shower. We need to embrace the bodies that we've been given before we can accept the new bodies we will have due to this surgery. I've recently started to look at myself in a full mirror and instead of making negative remarks, I've been trying to point out the beauty of my body. Perhaps the soft skin or even the curves that are actually attractive to Geoff. It's always difficult to compliment your own body, however we do not hesitate to point out features on someonelse's.

The beauty of it all, is that you have control over what you say about yourself, so why be mean?  No matter how small you make the compliment to yourself, it is still one step ahead. It will make receiving compliments from other's much easier to accept with a smile.

Social Outcast

I've been at home for a week now.  The rest of the world keeps buzzing while mine remains in matrix mode.  When you normally have a structured life with work, family and friends, having limited activities after major surgery can affect you emotionally and physically.  Not to mention the limited interaction with co-workers, yes....co-workers too.

Today I sit here, wondering what I will do next...will I sip, walk, burp or fart?  Out of four things that I know I'm actually capable and have become in some distrubing way, very good at this past week, it is becoming somewhat boring and monotonous.

So, do I pick up the phone and call a friend, a loved one?  Do I invite someone over?  Unfortunately, since the high speed life they are living and are accustomed to is still buzzing around them, I don't have a chance of getting any social activity in with them.  Am I being selfish to ask them to pause their life for me?

Even my loved one has forgotten that I sit alone at home, waiting for his return.  Not so much to do at home, not so much excitement to share, nothing really new.  The only thing I really am looking forward to every night is to have him come home to finally have someone to interact with.  My son has finally returned home and that is somewhat helping, but teenagers like to sneak into their dungeon of Internet and Instant messaging.   We did, however,  have a good hour of discussion regarding his stay at his friends, the likes and dislikes and how happy he is to finally be home.  The power of family.

In a nutshell, I feel alone, I feel bored, feel incapable of doing alot of things that I can normally do on my own.  I feel like a social outcast.

Pot-Pourri of Things

My Godfather's Birthday

Today is my Uncle Robert's birthday, Happy Birthday!  He is in the hospital due to emergency surgery on Wednesday to his Kidney which was blocked and full of stones.   They were able to repair the one kidney, however the second is left unrepaired as it would be to dangerous to do both at the same time.  I'm saying prayers that his fever gets under control and that he can go home on his birthday.  I'm sure that's what he would want right now to.  I'm thinking about you Mononcle and love you very much.

Bussing Approved

I heard this morning from the schoolboard that they've approved temporary bussing for Brodie so that he can finally come home where he belongs.  I'm thankful to the friends who took him in, many gratitudes to them.  Just a bit of driving required from Geoff to get Brodie to the bus, but it's all worth it.

Weight at a Standstill

I was a bit dissappointed this morning when I jumped on the scale and noticed that there wasn't a difference.  But then thought...holy crap girl, you've lost 24 lbs already, get a grip!  So I've decided that I will only weigh myself twice per week (Mondays and Fridays).  Mondays, Geoff measures me too, so we'll do everything at the same time.  I have a bit more energy since yesterday which feels awesome.  There is no more 'pain', just tenderness through the abdomen.  Depending on the movement, I will get a sharp pinch, but with deep breaths it goes away. 

Foods

I had one teaspoon of yogourt this morning and it was so yummy.  I think I could have probably managed two teaspoons but thought I would wait to see how my 'pouch' responded to the new food.  I felt just fine.  Funny how it's a bit scary to try new foods (again).  As far as this week goes, I get to eat Yogourt, unsweetened applesauce, loose mashed potatoes and loose oatmeal.  Starting at one teaspoon (eating only the tip of a teaspoon at a time and making it last 20 mins) and working my way up to 2 tablespoons by the end of the week (making it last 25 mins).  I must also keep my protein intake of 4 oz three times per day and 64 oz of fluids as well.  Trust me, I don't feel hungry.  It's mostly head hunger that I'm dealing with, cravings and wonderful smells stimulating those brain cells that say, 'I need to eat whatever it is I'm smelling'.  It almost killed me to be outside and smell someone barbecuing.  The cravings pass, thank God!

Today I'm planning on taking a bit longer walk down the road.  It feels great to breathe in the fresh air.

Cheers

Prayers for my Godfather

I received a message from my cousin that my uncle is in the hospital.  He's far away from me and I felt like I wanted to jump on a plane and go see him right away.  Tears filled my eyes as I called Geoff to tell him the awful news.  In the condition I'm in right now with my surgery, it's obvious I can't, but the feelings are there.  My uncle is someone who has been through many many struggles and I never stop loving him, no matter what happens.  He is strong and has so much compassion for those who care for him.  Although we have not been close in cities or towns, we have always been close at heart.  I say a prayer for my Uncle Robert, my Godfather, so that he can be strong to heal and for Aunt Pauline, Lorie, Loretta and Lisa, so they may stay as strong for Uncle Robert as he has been for everyone else.

I miss you Uncle Robert and love you very much.  Get better, it's your birthday tomorrow!

The Hero Inside of Me

It's been a week since the surgery.  And no matter how hard it is and how much it sometimes bothers me when Geoff gets to eat pizzas and pork chops with mashed potatoes and yummy veggies, stopping the automatic reaction of licking your finger when preparing meals,  I know that this is my journey and I am the only one responsible for the outcome.

Some people may say that I've chosen the easy way out.    Having major surgery to help fix a life long medical problem is not considered an easy way out.  Most people who make those remarks are not familiar with my background or my medical history and I forgive them. 

I'm happy to say that I've found the Hero Inside of Me.  The one that is capable of fighting the 'head hunger'.  The one who is capable of enduring the sometimes endless pain associated with the gas build up and the pain still lingering around the many bruises on my abdomen.  The one who has been able to continue being a mom and a wife to the best of my ability throughout all of this.

I'm doing great today.  The sun is shining and inviting me to a short walk to the mailbox.  My honey is off today but is gone for an appointment, but when he returns we have planned to sit out in the back yard and enjoy the weather that will soon change.  We also will be preparing our Christmas cards to be sent out to our friends and family.

I've lost 22 lbs so far and am so excited to be the healthier me.  If I could, I would be bouncing up and down to celebrate my success so far. 

Cheers :-)

I'm Melting

I couldn't believe this morning when I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost 18 lbs already!!  Although my tummy is still very sore and seems like it's just one huge purple pumpkin from the bruising of the surgery and all the injections that I have received and still receiving.   I'm toughing it out pretty good.  The Lovenox injections are the worse, I hate them because they are injected into the side of the belly.  Geoff has been great at making sure I get them, I personnally think he likes playing nurse LMAO!  Mr. I hate needles....yeah right.

My spirits seem a bit higher today.  I was very emotional yesterday.  Geoff returned to work today and it was scaring me to death that I'd be alone.  I'm having difficulty bending over because it so sore to do that, and as much as the pain is reducing, it's still prelevant. 

So what have I done so far today?  Pretty much woke up at 6am as per my schedule I've made out for myself. 

(Any times not listed I'm to be sip, sip, sipping clear liquids)

6 a.m. - Take Multi Vitamin and Prescription (Lovenox shot - only one left..yippee)
7:30 a.m. - 4 oz of Protein Shake
1:00 p.m. - 4 oz Protein Shake
4:30 p.m. - Take Multi Vitamin and Prescription
6 p.m. - 4 oz Protein Shake

I decided to work out a schedule right away so that it's not so difficult to adjust when I return to work.  My tentative date to return to work is December 16, 2009.  However, I have a visit with my surgeon in the states on November 20, 2009 and we will be discussing that again.

With Gastric bypass, you only have so much room in your little pouch.  Most people will have a juice or glass of milk while they eat, but I will not be allowed to drink 30 mins before and 1 hour after each meal (each meal lasting 20 mins min.).  It is important to ensure soliditity inside the pouch so that you can feel full for 5 hours before your next meal.

I